Keep Job Comic Strips - Page 99

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View 981 - 990 results for keep job comic strips. Discover the best "Keep Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert The Product Designer

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Dogbert The Product Designer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #form, #function, #product design, #product designer, #selfishness, #portfolio

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Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: You might think my job is to make products that are easy to use. But that wouldn't help me, so instead I design stuff that looks good in my portfolio but is impossible to use. Dilbert: This looks great, but no one will be able to see black buttons on a black case. Dogbert: Not my problem.

Dilbert's App Evaluates Job Candidates

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Dilbert's App Evaluates Job Candidates - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social interaction, #social media, #coders, #coding, #engineers, #friends, #work ethic, #social life, #technology

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Dilbert: I invented an app that evaluates job candidates based on their online footprint. Here's a guy with no friend, no hobbies, no family, and hundreds of high-quality code submissions to GitHub. Wait, that's me. Boss: Do you have any apps about other people?

Alice's Off Color Jokes

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Alice's Off Color Jokes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #joke, #jokes, #joking, #assume, #assumptions, #offensive

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Tina: I'm uncomfortable with the off-color jokes I keep hearing in the engineering department. Boss: I'll talk to the guys and tell them to knock it off. Tina: Guys? Alice: Stop being babies. My jokes do not hurt your ears! Dilbert and Asok: It burns!

Strategy To Get What You Deserve

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Strategy To Get What You Deserve - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Promotion, #recognition, #strategy, #business, #competition

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Tina: I didn't get the promotion I deserve. Alice: What strategy did you use? Tina: Who uses a strategy to get what they deserve? Alice: Maybe you should ask the person who got your job. She sounds smart.

In The Long Run We Are All Dead

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In The Long Run We Are All Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #work ethic, #existentialism, #suffering, #death, #philosophy, #pessimism, #Advice, #medical

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Dogbert: As you head to your horrible job, remember these inspirational words... In the long run, we're all dead. Dilbert: That feels like an oversimplification. Dogbert: I skipped the part where you suffer for 90 years.

Ten Things We Look For In Employees

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Ten Things We Look For In Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring, #qualifications, #interview, #job interview, #outsmart

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Boss: We look for ten qualities when we hire. Man: Ten? I'm looking for an employer who knows how to set priorities. Boss: He was too good for us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meditate, #meditation, #mindful, #mindfulness, #mbct, #stress, #trick, #laziness, #deception, #work ethic, #ruse, #nap, #napping

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Wally: Do you mind if I take Steve Jobs' advice and practice meditation and mindfulness? Science says meditation can reduce stress and make me more productive. And obviously it worked for Steve Jobs, so there's that. To the untrained eye, it will seem as if I am napping. But in reality, I will be quieting my mind to boost creativity. Boss: Meditate on your own time. Wally: Wow. That just stressed me out and shut down my creative juices. Boss: Just do your job! Wally: Because quality doesn't matter?

Attendance Strategy

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Attendance Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #deception, #attendance, #Advice, #mentor, #mentoring

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Wally: Ideally, you want to find a job that requires more attendance than work. And then you want to concoct an endless string of "reasons" you can't come to work. The ultimate goal is getting paid for being nothing but a concept. Asok: I bask in your wisdom.

Removing Obstacles

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Removing Obstacles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hinder, #hinderance, #obstacle, #obstacles, #management, #managers, #insult, #zinger, #zing

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Boss: My job is removing obstacles. Asok: When do you leave? Dilbert: I think he was going in a different direction.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #first impression, #culture, #interview, #job interview, #deception, #revenge, #nice, #niceness, #nice people, #business

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Job Interview. Boss; When I make hiring decisions, my biggest priority is cultural fit. Man: Your buzzwords are like music to my unemployed ears. And here come some employees who can tell me about your company culture. Boss: Uh-oh. Man: Hey, guys. Can I ask some questions about the culture here? Dilbert: Working here is like a paradise. Wally: Best place ever. Dilbert: Our days are full of laughter, hugging, and camaraderie. Wally: Coffee is free! Man: Wow. Thanks. I look forward to working here. Boss: ??? Dilbert: I didn't like that guy. Wally: I'm glad we got our revenge in advance.