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The Boss says, "We need to get our customers more involved in the product design cycle." Dilbert says, "We only have customers who are too dumb to check product reviews online." The Boss says, "Do it anyway." Customer says, "Can it wear a hat like a monkey?" Dilbert says, "For the millionth time, software can't wear clothes."
The Boss says, "I can't tell the difference between urban legends and reality." Doctor says, "I'll need your social security number so I can tell the government not to count any votes you cast." The Boss says, "You can do that?" Doctor says, "Here're some pills that look exactly like tic tacs."
The Boss says, "Oh no. If I don't forward this e-mail to fifty friends, I'll die within a week." The Boss says, "I don't have that many friends! I need to make more friends, and fast!!!" Dilbert says, "What are you sending him now?" Wally says, "I'm upping it to sixty friends."
The Boss says, "Carol, you filled out Ted's termination documents wrong. You put my name in the box as the fired employee." The Boss says, "My security access has been revoked. My phone is shut off, and my passwords are deactivated." The Boss says, "You need to fix this." Carol says, "Security, I found the fugitive."
The Boss says, "Asok, my security clearance was accidentally canceled. I need your help." Asok says, "Maybe you could live in the ductwork, and forage for stale donuts after dark." The Boss says, "How can I fit in there?" Asok says, "Try foraging as effectively as you manage."
Man says, "I need you to assign one of your engineers to my project." The Boss says, "Follow me and I'll show you your choices." The Boss says, "This one is highly capable, but she's in such high demand that you'll be lucky if she ever returns a call." The Boss says, "This one is aggressively unhelpful." The Boss says, "This one will tell you that all of your plans are impractial and doomed." The Boss says, "That one is an intern, so no one takes him seriously." The Boss says, "My management theory is that nature makes everyone useless in their own way." Man says, "I'm not useless." The Boss says, "Said the man who can't find a good engineer."
Asok says, "Our ombudsman took my soul in exchange for a favorable view." Asok says, "I'd like a transfer to marketing, where having no soul is widely considered an asset." Man says, "I need someone who can make our product sound competitive without vomiting on his own copy." Asok says, "Ooh! Ooh!"
The Boss says, "And I'll need that by the end of day." Dilbert says, "I will gladly rush to meet your arbitrary deadline so my work can sit in your e-mail inbox until next week." The Boss says, "I'm still within hearing distance." Dilbert says, "Oops. You usually scurry away faster."
Coworker says, "Wally, I need your load calcs by Tuesday." Wally says, "Remind me on Monday." Coworker says, "You're hoping I won't remember to remind you. Then you'll say it's my fault." Coworker says, "But I will remember, and I will remind you." Wally says, "Good luck. Monday is my hiding day."
The Boss says, "Victor quit. I need you to take over his project." Dilbert says, "Did he leave any documentation?" The Boss says, "No, but it's obviously some sort of glowing box. That should be enough to get your started." The Boss says, "Can you finish it by Monday?" Dilbert says, "If it's a nightlight, I can finish it by today."