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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #stale dna, #ceo, #medical

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The Boss: Our CEO says he wants to change the DNA of this company. Catbert: whats that mean? The Boss: I don't know, It sounds medical. Im frightened. The boos: Hold me. Catbert: Keep your stale DNA away from me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2004's comic on:


Tags #customer visit, #zombie, #technical talk, #liberal arts major, #blue

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Customer Visit Dilbert: I can see form your zombie stare that you don't understand technical talk. Dilbert: Let me try iy in a language I call "liberal arts major" Dilbert: Its blue. Customer: It has a color??!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2004's comic on:


Tags #tight budget, #colorful paper clips, #incoming email, #paid per hour, #watch, #meeting, #berate employee, #business

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"Yesterday, someone in this room gave me a document with a yellow paper clip." "I know that multicolored paper clips look 'pretty.'" "But I remind you that we are on a tight budget!" "We can't be throwing away all our money on colorful paper clips." "Do I make myself clear?!!" "I salvaged that paper clip from incoming mail." "Now excuse me while I stare at my watch and wonder how much you're paid per hour." "I'm sure you've done inefficient things that I don't know about." "Two minutes is... $5."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2004's comic on:


Tags #typos in email, #confused, #point, #more professional, #clear, #efficient meassages, #gossipy, #cruitical, #time waster, #scoffing sound

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"Did you see all of the typos in Dilbert's e-mail?" "Were you confused about its meaning?" "No, that's not the point." "Then I don't know what your point is." "I think he should be more professional. That's all." "So, instead of sending clear, efficient messages, he should follow your example and..." "...Be a gossipy, critical, time-waster who values appearance over function?" "Are you done hurting me now?" "I'm saving a scoffing sound for when you turn to leave."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2004's comic on:


Tags #prima donna, #indeispensable, #being obnoxious, #undermining authority, #pants optional zone

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"I hired a new Prima Donna. I already hate his guts, but he's indispensable." "He'll be dividing his time between being obnoxious and undermining my authority." "And the rules don't apply to him." "I declare this a pants-optional zone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2004's comic on:


Tags #pantless prima donna, #alert patent offcie, #hardware, #computer, #technology

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"Pantless prima donna" "May I ask you a question?" "Silence, fool!" "Alert the patent office that I am about to begin. They might want to increase staff." "Maybe you should turn on your computer." "I don't do hardware."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #profits improving, #have raise, #giving raises, #profits will plummet, #oppression, #communism

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"Now that our profits are improving, can I have a raise?" "If I start giving people raises, then profits will plummet and we'll be nowhere." "Does your bonus depend on how effectively you oppress me?" "If you don't like it, try communism."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #deepest budget cuts, #death spiral, #data driven focus

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"The leadership team can't decide where to make the deepest budget cuts." "But don't worry. I offered to bring a systematic, data-driven focus to the process." "A death spiral goes clockwise north of the equator." "Budget cuts" "Research" "Design" "Sales" "Mancom"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2004's comic on:


Tags #absorb project, #zombie employee, #flakey, #wide eyed, #not helpful

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The boss: Dilbert, you'll absorb bills project when he transfers. Dont worry, He'll tell you everything you need to know. The whatchamacallit has to be whatever or else the who sits will go hey hey. Now this is either the budget total or a fax number. Its absolutely critical that you....um...I lost my train of thought. Dilbert: do you have a list of key contacts? That would have been a good idea. Dilbert: Can I call you if I have questions? You can try. I love my coworkers, until they talk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2004's comic on:


Tags #online study class, #sexual harrasmnet, #don't have one, #happy actors

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Wally: "I'm about halfway finished with the online studay class on sexual harassment." The Boss: "Wally, we don't have an online study course on sexual harassment." Wally: "THat would explain why all the actors seemed so happy."