Set Up Meeting Comic Strips - Page 99

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View 981 - 990 results for set up meeting comic strips. Discover the best "Set Up Meeting" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bias For Action

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Bias For Action - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, waste, time, thought, chairs, meeting

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The Boss: We need to have a bias for action! Alice: Good idea. This meeting is a total waste of time. The Boss: I probably should have thought that through.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, man, criticizing, face, head, arrogance, toxic, personality, garbage, plague, legs, truth, power, behind, back

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Man: I heard you were criticizing me behind my back. Try saying those things to my face! Dilbert: Okay. You're a hot-headed know-nothing who uses his arrogance to mask his total lack of talent. You ruin every meeting with your toxic personality. Every project you touch turns to garbage you're like a plague with legs. Man: Okay... That was harsh, but I respect you for speaking truth to power. Dilbert: You don't have any power. Man: Maybe it's better if you talk behind my back.

Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless

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Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, team, meeting, lazy, useless, propose, marinate, bile, raise, hands, grunt

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Dilbert: Everyone on this team except me is lazy and useless. I propose that I do all of the work for the team. While the rest of you marinate in your own bile. All in

Ceo Wants A Crypto Wallet

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Ceo Wants A Crypto Wallet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo, Wally, crypto, cryptocurrency, game, private key, password, done, care

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CEO: How do I get a crypto wallet so I can get into the cryptocurrency game? Wally: I'll set one up for you and give you the private key and password when I'm done. CEO: I don't know how to thank you. Wally: That'll take care of itself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, customer, meeting, engineers, years, disasters, worry, data, centers, blockchain

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Dilbert: Can I go with you to the customer meeting? I'm worried you might promise something we can't deliver. The Boss: Don't be ridiculous! I've been having customer meetings without engineers for years. Dilbert: I know and they all turn into disasters. The Boss: You worry too much! Everything will be fine! Man: Can you replace our data centers with blockchain? The Boss: Give us two days.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, cost, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, ladder, waste

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Boss: Do you know where I can find a ladder? Dilbert: I can help you with that, but it will come at a big cost. It took me all morning to finally get "in the zone" to figure out this bug. Your interruption will set me back to square one and cost an entire day of productivity. Meanwhile, the rest of the team can't do their work because they are waiting for me to fix this bug first. So yes, I can help you find a ladder. But it will cost the company about $12,000 in lost productivity. I hope you have a good reason to need a ladder. Boss: I do. Ten minutes earlier. Boss: I wonder what ceiling tiles feel like.

Changing The Website

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Changing The Website - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, internet & world wide web, managers & supervisors, sarcasm

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Dilbert: We need to change one of the links on our website. Boss: Pull together a study team, do a focus group, get buy-in from all departments, and present it at the next division meeting. Dilbert: I changed it while you were yammering. Boss: Let us never speak of this again.

Jargon

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Jargon - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags confusion, employees, irritation, language, meetings, sarcasm

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Man: This was a great meeting. Are there any questions? Dilbert: I didn't understand any of the jargon you used for the past hour, so I have no idea what this meeting was about. Man: Why didn't you say something sooner? Dilbert: That's a good strategy for people who have hope.

Meeting Robot's Son

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Meeting Robot's Son - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags family & parenting, hungry, Kids, robot, technology

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Robot: I'd like you to meet my son. As you can see, he is half-human and half-machine. Dilbert: Does he talk? Robot: Only when he's hungry or he can't find his charger.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags avoidance, irritation, lunch, office workers, relationships, coworkers

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Tina: You should meet the new guy in marketing. You two would get along great. I'll set up a lunch. Dilbert: Why? Tina: Because he reminds me of you. Dilbert:That isn't a reason. Tina: Okay, he is free tomorrow for lunch. I'll tell him to meet you in the lobby. Dilbert: I still don't see why the three of us need to go to lunch. Tina: It's just the two of you. I'm busy tomorrow. Man: I hear you're a lot like me. Dilbert: Sadly, yes.