Time Frames Etc Comic Strips - Page 99

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Time Frames Etc

View 981 - 990 results for time frames etc comic strips. Discover the best "Time Frames Etc" comics from Dilbert.com.

Asok Returns From Fbi

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Returns From Fbi - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags racism, arrest, terrorist, terrorism, protest, friendship, relationship, commitment, apathy, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: The FBI held me for three weeks on suspicion that I was a terrorist. I assume you were protesting outside the FBI building the entire time and they didn't tell me. Because racism? Dilbert: Oh, right. Yes. We were protesting the entire time.

View more books now

Employee Hat With Sensors

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employee Hat With Sensors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mind control, thoughts, police, policing, work ethic, leisure, daydreaming, control, surveillance, legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intelligence, insult, healing, doctor, ego, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My doctor says he's never seen anyone heal as quickly as me. Dilbert: What do you suppose that means? Boss: Obviously it means I am genetically gifted. Dilbert: Is that the only explanation? Boss: Well, maybe ten percent of it is because of good medical care. Dilbert: Can you think of any other reason at all? Alice: Doctors tell idiots their bodies are magic because it makes them feel special. Dilbert: He would have gotten there. Alice: I don't have that kind of time.

Fifty Slide Presentation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, tasks, presentation, expectation, unrealistic, obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, negotiate, negotiations, racket, guest artist, josh shipley

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags internet, comment, jerk, forum, argument, anger, frustration, language, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dick, From The Internet. Dick: Would you lie to a monster to keep a baby alive? Dilbert: Yes. Dick: Ha! You admit you're a liar! Dilbert: Not most of the time. Dick: Ooh, not most of the time. Ha, ha! Look who's trying to walk it back now! Apologize for hating babies most of the time! Dilbert: I never said that. Dick: Wow. Pathological much?

Don't Read Long Emails

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Don't Read Long Emails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags email, tldr, communication, assumption, honesty

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I don't read long email messages. Long emails are a sign of a disorganized mind. I try to avoid contact with that sort of person. Man: And yet, here I am. Dilbert: I didn't say it works every time.

Checking The Time

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Checking The Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bored, boredom, dying, dead

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Stop checking the time when I talk to you! Dilbert: I wasn't checking the time. I was checking my pulse to see if I'm dying from boredom. Uh-oh. Boss: I hope this is a coincidence.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management, honesty, competition, criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are our competitors beating us on the benchmark speed tests? Do they have better engineers? Dilbert: No, they have better management. Their management probably got them the budget they needed to do the job right. I"m guessing they were helpful, instead of being useless, blamecasting time-wasters. I hear you can do a lot when you have good management. I'll probably try to get a job with a competitor. They sound great. It is also possible they lied about their benchmark results. Boss: You should have said that first!

Elbonians Steal Encryption Software

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonians Steal Encryption Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags encryption, technology, national security, privacy, terrorism, terrorist

View Transcript

Transcript

Elbonian 1: I stole the enemy's encryption-breaking software. Elbonian 2: My phone doesn't have a hole for this. I think it needs an adapter or something. Elbonian 1: Is it time to admit we're in over our heads? Elbonian 2: Why are the heathens so good at this stuff?