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Stress Can Kill You

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Stress Can Kill You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, coronavirus, cortisol, dead man walking, depress, fear, immune, increase, scared, social distancing, system, virus, health

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dogbert: you have nothing to fear from the coronavirus but fear itself. obviously, the fear will increase your cortisol levels and depress your immune system so the virus can finish you off. dilbert visually shaken: now i'm scared. dogbert pointing: dead man walking!

Coronavirus

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Coronavirus - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 24 hours, business, coronavirus, health, home, remote, tragic, work from home

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dilbert: i'm working at home to avoid the coronavirus. i'll have to stay here 24 hours a day. dogbert: that's tragic. dilbert: i don't mind. dogbert: i meant tragic for me.

No Handshaking

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No Handshaking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, filthy, hand, invisible, office workers, see, shake, virus

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dilbert: sorry, i no longer shake hands. i can practically see the viral load on that filthy paw of yours. office worker: you can't "see" a virus. virus sound coming from hand: hee-hee! that's how we getcha.

Elbonian Factory Problem

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Elbonian Factory Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, report, factory, elbonia, problem, lost, power, main, floor, employees, scared, trip, dark, gas, line, accident, crater, capital, explosion, unsympathetic

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dilbert: we have some problems in our elbonian factory. boss: how bad? dilbert: they lost power on the main floor. boss: that's not so bad. dilbert: the employees were scared. boss: they'll get over it. dilbert: one of them tripped in the dark. boss: big deal. dilbert: he accidentally opened a gas line. boss: a little gas never hurt anyone. dilbert: now there's a crater where the capital city used to be. boss and dilbert just looking at each other boss: let's keep an eye on that.

Great Job For Someone

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Great Job For Someone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, job, opening, private, office, opportunity, background, rid

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dilbert: i hear there's a great job opening in operations for someone with your background. big salary, private office. looks like a great opportunity for you. office worker: are you trying to get rid of me? dilbert: not in a way you are suppose to notice.

Rot From The Inside

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Rot From The Inside - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, work, ethic, abysmal, loan, project, hate, rot, idea, raise

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boss: wally, your work ethic is abysmal. you're fired. wally: wouldn't it make more sense to loan me to a project you hate, so i can rot it from the inside? boss: that's not your worst idea. wally: is a raise out of the question?

Show Interest In Employees

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Show Interest In Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags appointment, business, doctor, employees, hate, interest, leave, life, managers & supervisors, prank, question

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alice: i have a doctor appointment. boss: what's wrong with you? alice yelling: that's none of your stinkin' business! stay our of my life! boss to catbert: didn't you advise me to show interest in my employees? catbert: i was pranking you. they hate that.

Poster Of Our Values

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Poster Of Our Values - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, poster, values, room, forgot, steal, guess, break room

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boss at conference room table: i hope you all saw the poster i put in the break room with our list of values. dilbert: i didn't see it. what are our values? boss: i don't remember. wally: are we allowed to steal? dilbert: i don't think so, but i'm guessing.

Working On Vacation

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Working On Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, work, vacation, scold, enjoy, behind, train, broken

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dilbert: do you mind if i come to work on my vacation days? i hate being scolded for being behind in my work more that i enjoy taking vacations. boss: it seems i have trained you well. dilbert: no, i'm just broken.

Wally Will Be Right Back

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Wally Will Be Right Back - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, minute, desk, help, mystery

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tina: do you have a minute to help me? wally: absolutely. i'll be right back after i drop off something at my desk. tina: i'll never see you again, will i? wally: don't take the mystery out of it.