Anti Dilbert Comic Strips - Page 99
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1000 Results for Anti Dilbert
View 981 - 990 results for anti dilbert comic strips. Discover the best "Anti Dilbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday February 09,
2017
Faking Their Own Deaths
Tags #managers, #distraction, #subversion, #alias, #espionage, #hiding, #productivity
Transcript
Dilbert: My job as the team scrum for our agile methodology is to remove distractions so you can work. I've created fake identities for each of us, and I'll be spreading the rumor that we all died. Carol: I heard they all died. Boss: Nice try. I will find them!
Wednesday February 08,
2017
Keeping The Boss Away
Tags #managers, #interference, #huddle, #scrum
Transcript
Boss: What time is the team huddle? Dilbert: I can't tell you. As the team scrum, it is my job to keep you from interfering. Boss: Then I guess we're both doing what we're supposed to do. Dilbert: Sadly, yes.
Tuesday February 07,
2017
Standup Meeting
Tags #software, #engineer, #coding, #jargon, #language, #technology, #engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: Are you coming to the standup meeting? Wally: Is it okay if I sit instead? Dilbert: No, that would ruin the software. Dilbert: Did that make sense when I said it? Wally: No, and it isn't aging well either.
Monday February 06,
2017
Agile Methodology
Tags #agile, #coding, #engineer, #method, #misunderstanding, #software, #technology, #engineering
Transcript
Boss: We're moving to an agile methodology for software development. I don't know all of the details, but I think one of you has to be designated the scrumbag. Does that sound right? Dilbert: It's better than I expected.
Sunday February 05,
2017
Tags #sarcasm, #obliviousness, #future, #psychic
Transcript
Boss: Do these cost estimates include everything? Dilbert: Yes, because I know what happens in the future. I didn't think I could accurately predict the future until you trusted me to put this budget together. I thought there were too many variables to know how things will turn out. But I defer to your superior opinion. Wait... I'm getting another message from the future. It says to raise the software budget by nine dollars. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Dilbert: Of course it does. Trust your instincts.
Saturday February 04,
2017
Days Off Versus More Pay
Tags #catch-22, #wages, #trick question, #vacation, #compensation, #money
Transcript
Boss: Would you rather have more days off or more pay? Alice: Days off. Dilbert: Days off. Wally: Days off. Boss: You were right-- we're paying them too much.
Friday February 03,
2017
Family Of Squirrels In A Tire
Tags #competition, #management, #managers, #obliviousness, #direction
Transcript
Boss: Why can't we innovate as quickly as our competition? Dilbert: Maybe it's because our management is like a family of squirrels that lives inside an old tree. Boss: Can you be more specific? Dilbert: It's a Goodyear tire with five grey squirrels.
Wednesday February 01,
2017
Robot Lawyer Has Comments
Tuesday January 31,
2017
Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish
Tuesday January 24,
2017
Trust The Boss
Tags #trust, #confidence, #vampire, #dead, #trustworthy
Transcript
Boss: We're not planning any changes, trust me. Dilbert: Trust you? I've seen your browser history. I wouldn't trust you to guard a funeral home. Boss: That's the easiest job ever. Just drive stakes through the hearts of the dead and they'll stay put. Dilbert: To my point.