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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wages, cost of living, raise, money, rent, apartment, roommate, space

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Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.

Wally Is Born For The Job

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Wally Is Born For The Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags legacy, system, laziness, perfect job, goals, ambition

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Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.

Taking Pride In Work

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Taking Pride In Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, pep talk, logic, pride, suffering, work ethic

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Boss: Wally, I"m starting to think you don't take pride in your work. Wally: That would be like taking pride in being the victim of a crime. Catbert: How'd the pep talk go? Boss: He made some good points.

Who Wants The Legacy System Job

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Who Wants The Legacy System Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, legacy, underachiever, volunteer

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Boss: I'm assigning our best and brightest engineers to the new system integration team. Anyone who is left over gets to be in charge of watching our legacy system slowly rot. Dilbert: Who would want that job? Wally: Me!!! Pick me!!!

Groomed For Management

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Groomed For Management - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags back-stabbing, management, betrayal, double cross

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Dilbert: My boss is trying to groom me for management. How can I get out of it? Wally: Tell him that as soon as you are sufficiently groomed you will stab him in the back and take his job. Dilbert: ...and then I'll take your job. Boss: I'm moving you to the advanced management class.

Management Fast Track

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Management Fast Track - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags talent, management, potential, frustration

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Boss: Dilbert, our CEO asked me to put you on the management fast track. Dilbert: Why does he hate me so much? Boss: He didn't say, but I have a lot of guesses if you want to hear them.

Dilbert Has Management Potential

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Dilbert Has Management Potential - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags manager, honesty, insult, obliviousness

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Boss: Our CEO thinks you have management potential. Dilbert: What did I do to deserve that kind of insult??! Boss: He called you a heartless monster. CEO: He speaks truth to power. I like it.

Resources Complain

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Resources Complain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leadership, language, jargon, manager

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Man: I want to lodge a complaint against Dilbert. He called me a "resource." I find that offensive. Boss: Then he offended one of the resources. CEO: You're right. He does sound like a natural leader.

Looks Good But Won't Work

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Looks Good But Won't Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ideas, impracticality, managers, leadership, threat

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Boss: The one they call Dilbert suggested we do something that looks good but won't work. CEO: Is this the first trace of management potential you've seen from him? Boss: You think it's a fluke? CEO: Let's keep an eye on it.

Bad Optics

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Bad Optics - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags appearances, optics, logic, deception

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Boss: I don't like the optics of your plan. Dilbert: It's the only plan that can work. Should I change it to something that looks good but won't work? Boss: Excellent idea. You might have more management potential than I though.