Dogbert Venture Capitalist Comic Strips - Page 99
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Share February 27, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert is carrying-out a presentation. He is standing in front of the attendees, next to a diagram. He says: "I'd like to start with a diagram." He points at the diagram and explains: "It's a bunch of shapes connected by lines." He continues: "Now I will say some impressive words." He says: "Synchronized Incremental Digital Integrated Dynamic E-Commerce Space." He asks: "Any questions?" One of the attendees raises his hand and asks: "May I have a copy of your presentation?" Dilbert stands alone, surrounded by white space and silence. He arrives home and tells Dogbert: "The results of my experiment are disturbing."
Share February 26, 2000's comic on:
Dogbert is standing on a stool at a podium. He announces: "The Lifetime Gullibility Award goes to Bob Flabeau." He continues: "I would read Bob's biography but it's comprised entirely of false memories planted by his herbal therapist." Dogbert holds out the award as Bob Flabeau walks eagerly up to claim it. Dogbert says to him: "It looks like a stick but it's solid gold." Bob exclaims: "Wow!"
Share February 25, 2000's comic on:
Dogbert and Dilbert are on the couch, relaxing at home. Dogbert says: "I'm planning to give worthless awards to famous people." Dogbert continues: "If enough celebrities come to the award ceremony, it will become prestigious." Hair flying in the wind, a celebrity in his convertible speaks into his cell-phone: "I've never heard of the Dogbert Gullibility Award, but it's an honor to be nominated."
Share February 16, 2000's comic on:
Caption reads: "Dogbert Consults." The Boss is leaning back in his chair and listening to Dogbert who is standing on the Boss's desk. Dogbert advises: "Management is like an organism that needs to survive and grow." He continues: "Employees are your fertilizer." The Boss asks: "So I'm like a well-fertilized plant?" Dogbert answers: "No, and sadly, weasels don't need fertilizer."
Share February 10, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert is sitting at a table with a co-worker. The co-worker tells Dilbert: "I'll get this information for you." Dilbert replies: "No you won't. You'll wait until I hunt you down and then you'll say you were too busy." On the couch at home with Dogbert, Dilbert says: "Today I started hating people in advance." Dogbert replies: "It saves time."
Share February 06, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert tells the Boss while handing him some documents: "My tests prove our product is defective." While the Boss is examining the documents, Dilbert says: "Customers expect delivery tomorrow." Handing the documents back to Dilbert, the Boss says: "Our corporate philosophy is 'Quality is our primary goal.'" Dilbert asks: "So... you want me to delay shipment until we fix the problems?" The Boss answers: "No." The Boss says: "I want you to ship now so we can book the revenue." Dilbert exclaims: "GAAA! That's the opposite of our corporate philosophy!!!" The Boss replies: "Now you know why there aren't any rich philosophers." Reclining on the couch at home with Dogbert, Dogbert tells Dilbert: "There used to be one, but he believed I was a Swiss bank."
Share February 01, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert says to Dogbert over a cup of coffee: "I know I could earn more money at another company. So why do I stay?" Dogbert says: "Maybe the coffee is good and you enjoy watching the antics of feeble, unaware loosers." Dilbert begins to say: "No, I don't think that's..." But Dogbert, finishing his cup of coffee, cuts him off with: "This coffee is good."
Share January 30, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert is at his computer typing, Dogbert is sitting on the desk on top of a sheet of paper. Dilbert says: "My anti-spam software is complete." Dilbert says: "It checks my incoming e-mail for key words." Dilbert says: "Then it deletes anything that looks like an advertisement." Dogbert says: "Suppose a beatiful woman sends you a message saying..." Dogbert says: "I am a model for Victoria's Secret. I want to date you on my sailboat." Dogbert says: "But she spells sail s-a-l-e." "What then?" Dilbert stares at the computer. Dilbert asks Dogbert: "What's she wearing?"
Share January 25, 2000's comic on:
Catbert is standing on top of the boss's desk holding a sheet of paper and he says to the boss: "I have the results of your Myers-Briggs personality test." Catbert reads from the sheet of paper: "You've been classified as a "PHB"." Catbert says: "There's a fourth letter, but that was for an expletive."
Share January 24, 2000's comic on:
Wally, the boss, Asok, Alice and Dilbert are in a meeting. The boss says: "From now on, all teams will be formed on the basis of Myers-Briggs personality types." The boss says: "If you do not have a personality, one will be assigned to you by human resources." Catbert is standing on the table reading the sheet of paper he is holding, he says to Wally: "We need a quiet dumb guy to pair with an extroverted thinker."