Executive Board Meeting Comic Strips - Page 99
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1000 Results for Executive Board Meeting
View 981 - 990 results for executive board meeting comic strips. Discover the best "Executive Board Meeting" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday May 17,
1994
Tags #build, #meeting, #project kick off, #project manager, #super fast microchips, #harder to saboatge, #business
Transcript
"Thank you all for coming to the project kick-off meeting." "As project manager I've decided not to tell you the purpose of the project. That way it will be harder for you to sabotage it." "Does it require ny super-fast microchips?" "Good lord, no. Don't build any of those...by Tuesday."
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Monday May 09,
1994
Tags #Dogbert, #consulting company, #new course, #business, #extra brains, #liver, #ratbert
Transcript
Dogbert: The Dogbert Consulting Company will plot a new course for your business. My consultants are so smart that their brains don't fit in their heads, They have to start the extra brains to their torsos. Ratbert: why do I need a piece of liver strapped to my torso? Dogbert: I got a little carried away at the pitch meeting.
Wednesday May 04,
1994
Tags #bumper sticker, #cops are wuses, #house, #staff meeting, #tasteless hovel, #dilberts home
Transcript
The staff meeting at Dilbert's house ends Wally: I guess we're done abusing your tasteless hovel. Ted: It was somewhat dim witted of you to invite us to your house . Lets do it again real soon. Dogbert: I wondered if Id ever get to use my "cops are wusses" bumper stickers.
Tuesday May 03,
1994
Tags #all day meeting, #bathroom, #critique the decor, #house, #kitchen shoddy, #sub teams
Transcript
wally: "How foolish of you to host the all-day staff meeting at your house." "Let's form sub-teams to be more efficient. Ted will do accidental spills. Alice, you critique the decor. I'll be a floater." Alice: "Kichen, shoddily done..." Ted: "I spilled mayonaise on the wall." Wally: "Where's the bathroom?"
Monday May 02,
1994
Sunday May 01,
1994
Tags #all day meetings, #cutting staff, #giving stats reports, #layers, #quality team meeting, #root cause, #slow computers, #slow design, #wild guesses
Transcript
Dilbert: Thank you all for coming to our engineering quality team meeting. Dilbert: Today we'll try to identify the root cause of our slow design process. Wally: Let me take some wild guesses here. Management keeps increasing our work and cutting our staff. Wally: we spend all out time giving status reports to unnecessary layers of management!! Wally: ow we're having all -day meetings to talk about our efficiency!! Dilbert: I was kinda hoping for some thing that inst anybody fault. Our computers are too slow. we need new ones, Dilbert: now we're getting someplace.
Saturday April 30,
1994
Tags #senior executive, #bad deciosn, #end careers, #challenging, #decison, #great idea, #mixed signals, #pull neckties, #hurts
Transcript
"If we know our senior executive is making a bad decision, shouldn't we tell her?" "Hmm, yes. Let's end our careers by challenging a decision that won't change. That's a great idea." "I'm getting mixed signals here." "And let's pull our neckties until it hurts!"
Wednesday April 27,
1994
Tags #upgrade boss computer, #cardboard prop, #came with desk, #new mother board, #new desk, #needs, #no actual computer
Transcript
The Boss: "I want you to help me upgrade the computer in my office." Dilbert: "The computer in your office is a cardboard prop that came with your desk." The Boss: "So, I need a new motherboard, right?" Dilbert: "No, you need a new desk."
Thursday April 21,
1994
Tags #big money, #deal, #dog, #Dogbert, #executive, #mercury dimes, #negotiate, #static network, #stock, #static for sale, #animals
Transcript
CEO: We'll give you sixty billion for the "dogcart static network" half f that will be stock in our company. Dogbert: Who would want stock in a company that would pay city billion for static? CEO: Not us thats the point. Dogbert: Id like it all in mercury dimes.
Wednesday April 13,
1994
Tags #committed to buy, #cost justify, #ethical, #execuitve, #translate, #vendor, #weasel, #words
Transcript
Weasel: tell me about your project and I'll translate it into weasel words for the business case. Dilbert: well, and executive had lunch with a vendor and committed to buy some stuff that doesn't work. Our job is to cost - justify the decision. Wesel: I quit Dilbert: Don't get all ethical on us.