Infinity Plus One Comic Strips - Page 99
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1000 Results for Infinity Plus One
View 981 - 990 results for infinity plus one comic strips. Discover the best "Infinity Plus One" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday May 26,
2003
Tags #summarize for ceo, #obliterate persuasiveness, #being wordy
Transcript
The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Can you summarize this on one page for our CEO?" Dilbert responds, "Yes, but it will obliterate the persuasiveness of the document and cost us billions in lost opportunity." The Boss responds, "I see your point, but being wordy is bad, too."
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Friday May 23,
2003
Tags #plant watering service, #less expensive one, #plastic plants
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "I fired our plant-watering service and hired a less expensive one." The Boss continues, "That's the sort of leadership that will turn this company around." Wally asks, "Were we doing well?" Dilbert says, "Our plants are plastic."
Saturday May 17,
2003
Tags #management techniques, #existence of books, #which one, #read, #making mad, #trick
Transcript
Dilbert raises his hand in a meeting and asks, "Question: How do you know which management technique works best?" Dilbert continues, "Logically, doesn't the existence of thousands of management books show that no one knows what works best?" The Boss responds, "The trick is knowing which one to read." Dilbert responds, "Now you're just making me mad."
Sunday April 27,
2003
Tags #customer diservice program, #tech supprt, #stretched telephone, #cleansed online support, #useful articles, #support groups, #train customers
Transcript
The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."
Saturday April 26,
2003
Tags #processor load, #took advice, #laser pointers, #light sabers
Transcript
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "Our breakthrough came when we distributed the processor load." The Boss, Asok, and Alice are sitting. Asok raises his arms and exclaims, "It's about time that you took my advice! Hallelujah! Good for you!" Dilbert says, "If laser pointers were light sabers, you'd be looking for your torso." Asok responds, "Ha ha! You're using my joke! Good one!"
Thursday April 24,
2003
Tags #coffee rehadb, #rip beard, #death, #state name, #coffee addicting withdrawl, #sleeping, #mean, #nasty, #cutting, #violent, #falls asleep, #medical
Transcript
Headline: Coffee Rehab. A man stands at a podium and says, "State your name and how long you've been without coffee." The audience is asleep except for one angry patient who says, "I am going to rip off your little beard and beat you to death with it." The man at the podium thinks to himself, "Don't panic... wait... wait...." The angry patient continues, "And then I'll... um... zzzzzzz, zzzzz, zzz."
Wednesday April 23,
2003
Tags #coffee rehab, #no tea, #look in bag, #no soda, #no luaggage, #carry yourself
Transcript
Headline: Coffee Rehab. A nurse comes towards Wally and says, "No soda, no tea, no chocolate." Wally is clenching his teeth and sweating. The nurse continues, "You're allowed one piece of luggage and you have to carry it yourself." Wally runs past the nurse holding a huge coffee mug-shaped suitcase. The nurse says, "I might want to take a look inside that bag."
Monday April 21,
2003
Tags #hostile work environment, #continuous pressure, #work, #work and drink, #forty cups, #cutting back
Transcript
Wally enters The Boss' office and says, "You're creating a hostile work environment." Wally continues, "It's like there's continuous pressure to work." Wally shakes and exclaims, "But I'm only one person; I can't work and drink coffee!" The Boss replies, "I'm cutting you back to forty cups a day."
Sunday April 20,
2003
Tags #script for meeting, #script, #twice a year, #act one, #scene two, #admiration, #leadership, #employment, #deliver line, #eyes moist, #sliced onion, #morale
Transcript
The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "Here's your script for the meeting." Dilbert asks, "Script?" The Boss explains, "My boss sees me only twice a year. I want everything to go smoothly." Dilbert looks at the script and says, "In act one, scene two, when I proclaim my admiration for your leadership..." Dilbert continues, "What's my motivation?" The Boss replies, "Employment." Dilbert says, "Good, good." The Boss adds, "And it would help if your eyes were moist when you deliver the line." Dilbert points to his pocket and says, "I'll put a sliced onion in my shirt pocket." The Boss, The Boss' boss, and Dilbert are meeting. The Boss' boss says to Dilbert, "Hello, underling, how is your morale?" Dilbert is sobbing.
Sunday April 13,
2003
Tags #hard day, #meeting with ceo, #billion dollar comapny, #free stock, #cash fow, #revenue, #disaster events, #tragic evenets, #slpping, #fear induced meeting
Transcript
Dilbert: Im taking my business case too some venture capitalists. Im hoping that their wisdom and resources will make it a billion dollar company. Dilbert: Would you like some free stock? Dogbert: BAH! Dilbert: What would I do without the support of my loved one? CEO: What would the cash flow look like if.... ....Revenue was zero, microsoft and IBM entered the market , your factory burned down and a piano fell on your head? And what about civil unrest, lawsuits, natural disasters and locusts? Dilbert: ...Then the little one slapped me. Dogbert: Now RE_E_EL them in.