New Paranoid Employee Comic Strips - Page 99

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Paranoid Employee

View 981 - 990 results for new paranoid employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Paranoid Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #away from job, #blah blah, #cell phones, #jurors, #jury duty, #jury room, #read book, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: AAHH, One week away from my job. Jury room Dilbert: I'll have hours of quiet time to read my new book, woman: There's a guy here with a book.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pet project, #isn't feasible, #working numebrs, #underlying reality, #massaged the numbers, #working, #numbers, #impossiblepossible, #new numbers, #other ideas, #fiddle with numbers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, putting a paper on The Boss' desk, says to The Boss, "My analysis shows that your pet project isn't feasible." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Try working the numbers." Dilbert says, "That wouldn't change the underlying reality." The Boss asks, "What if we massaged the numbers?" Dilbert says, "Massaging the numbers means the same thing as working the numbers." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You can't make the impossible possible by hallucinating new numbers." Dilbert asks The Boss, "Do you have any other ideas?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "That depends on the the phrase 'fiddle with the numbers' means."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #staying real, #keeping to core, #good, #duuude, #say thing, #no meaning

View Transcript

Transcript

A male employee says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, my man, you're stayin' real and keepin' to the core." Dilbert asks, "Is that good?" The employee says, "I don't even know what it means." Dilbert asks, "Why do you say things that have no meaning?" The employee answers, "Du-u-u-de!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #working for tips, #rfp, #spec binder

View Transcript

Transcript

Holding a binder in his hands, Wally thinks, "I hate working for tips." A female employee says, "No, I ordered the R.F.P." Wally says to the employee, "Maybe you were thinking R.F.P. but you said spec binder, you arrogant cow!" The employee grimaces as she holds the binder and Wally thinks, "With any luck, she'll say, 'You had me at cow'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #engineer, #snide of attitude, #incomprehensible, #technical review, #sarcasm, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to an employee sitting at a computer, "My name is Wally and I'll be your engineer." Wally says to the employee, "Our special today is incomprehensible mumbling in an acronym sauce with a snide of attitude." The employee says, "I'll just have a technical review." Wally asks, "Do you want sarcasm with that?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blank copies, #copied wrong sides, #intern, #new temp, #talk to hand, #tells off

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: These copies you made for me are blank. New Temp: Thats because all the originals were blank. Asok: Maybe you could have checked the other sides, New temp: Talk to the hand.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agency, #get it, #hand, #joke, #play on words, #dogbert temp

View Transcript

Transcript

New Temp: Im from the DOgbert Temp agency, DO you need a hand? Dilbert: I get it, her her! New Temp: Get what? Dilbert: Then I said, "Don't get mad: try counting to fifteen" Wally: Ouch.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #hand, #head, #new temp, #new temp likes, #shakes hand on head

View Transcript

Transcript

New Temp: Its a pleasure to meet you Alice. OOWEE!! That was a good hand shake.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #genetic anamolies, #genetic engineering, #grow on, #hand growing on head, #new temp, #temp agnecy, #wear goggles

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: The Dogbert temp agency uses genetic engineering to grow our own workers. The Boss: Isn't that dangerous? Dogbert: I wear safety goggles. Temp: Im the new temp. Alice: Um Im alice.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #begging for job, #boss, #callous, #mean, #office

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted, who has the letter 'E' painted on his chest, says to The Boss, "Catbert says I have to get a new job within the company." Ted says, "Could you find it within your heart..." The Boss, reaching for a heart on his desk, says, "I'll check." Ted watches as The Boss looks at the heart. The Boss says, "Nope. No jobs in there."