No Good Plan Comic Strips - Page 99

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View 981 - 990 results for no good plan comic strips. Discover the best "No Good Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags disloyal ingrate, evil dircetor, inform boss, internal job open, new policy

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CatBert: "Evil H.R. Director." "New policy: You must inform your boss before applying for an internal job opening." "PURRRRRRRRR." The Boss: "Well, good luck, you disloyal, back-stabbing ingrate."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags network design, local trees, social skills

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Man; "I was an engineer before I got into marketing, so I have a few suggestions for your network design." man: "Get rid of this 'Cisco' doohickey, whatever it is, and put it in a catapult made from local trees." Dilbert: "Has it been awhile?" Man: "At least I have good social skills now, you dipweed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags can't buy happiness, expensive possessions, pople envious, tarde happiness for money, whacked

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Dogbert: "Bob, remember that money can't buy happiness." Bob: "But it can buy expensive possessions that make other people envious, and that feels just as good." Dogbert: "And you can pay to have people whacked." Bob: "Can I trade my happiness for some money?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags created time line, identified resources, revise timeline, re examine, thousand ways, haven't done anything

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Wally: "In only one week my project team has created a time line and identified the resources we need." "Next week, we plan to revise the time line and re-examine our resource needs." "Good work." "There must be a thousand ways to say I haven't done anything." "Wait.."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags internet traffic, good thing, under sewage, breathe through straw, grateful, sewer system

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Wally: "Asok, would you like to join a doomed project for sending internet traffic over the sewer system?" Asok: "Absolutely! I might be young and inexperienced, but I know a good thing when I see it!" Wally: "I need you to work under the sewage and breathe through a straw." Asok: "I get a straw?!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags times are tough, optimism, find good in bad, wild pigs, pigs are cute

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The boss: "Alice, I know that times are tough. But you need to show more optimism." The Boss: "Try to find the good thing in any bad situation." "Our entire sales force has been eaten by wild pigs." Alice: "Pigs are cute!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags phd degrees, no common sense, interview, job interview, not good to say

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The Boss: "Wow! You have three masters degrees and a PHD!" "Yes, it's all very impressive, but interestingly, I have no common sense whatsoever." "That's not the sort of thing you should say during a job interview." "I don't see why not."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags million lines of code, irrelevent data, key your car, no choice

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The Boss: "Our new product has half a million lines of code!" "Translation: there's nothing good about this product, so you hope I'm impressed by irrelevant data." "Now available in ecru!" "You leave me no choice but to key your car on the way out."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, touched by new hire, cry, hired, special skill, identifying good people, part instinct, favorite color

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Man: "When I'm not helping team members, I like to feed the poor or read to blind people." "I don't care about money. All I want is a chance to help humanity reach its fullest potential." The Boss: "You're so wonderful. It's making me cry! You're hired." Man: "Excellent." The Boss: "Come meet the team." "I have a special skill for identifying good people." "It's part instinct, part experience." "And yes, maybe just a little ESP." "Watch this." "Alice, your favorite color is...mitten?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags multiple personalities, fired cowboy, little girl, twins, aftrenoon, mime

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"I'm trying to fire a guy who has multiple personalities." "I'm exhausted. I fired the cowboy, the little girl, and the astronaut this morning. I'll do the twins later this afternoon." "I'm tired, but it's a good tired." "Can I do the mime?"