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No Dumb Questions

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No Dumb Questions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #question, #answer, #binary, #coding, #technology

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Boss: I have a dumb question. Dilbert: There are no dumb questions. Boss: When you delete software, where do all the zeroes and ones go? Dilbert: I stand corrected.

Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations

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Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #reality, #simulation, #aliens, #alternate universe, #perception

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News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #boss, #leadership, #power, #influence

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Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.

Swear On The Lives Of Your Coworkers

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Swear On The Lives Of Your Coworkers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lying, #swearing, #exaggeration, #deception, #accomplishment

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Wally: I achieved all of my milestones on my secret project this month. Boss: How do I know any of that is true? Wally: I swear on the lives of my coworkers. Boss: I'm getting a mixed message here.

Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed

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Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #memory, #obliviousness, #managers, #executives, #hubris

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Boss: Wally says he has a secret project he can't tell me about. Did you give him that project? CEO: I don't remember every little thing I've ever done. Boss: My best strategy here is to think about other things.

Wally Secret Project

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Wally Secret Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #excuses, #laziness, #avoidance

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Boss: Wally can you review this? Wally: I'm on an urgent deadline. Boss: What is the deadline for? Wally: It's a secret project. Boss: Why don't I know about this? Wally: I don't know. I haven't studied your ignorance in that much detail.

No Calendar Needed

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No Calendar Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #calendar, #excuse, #avoidance

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Man: Do you have time to check my design? Wally: Let me see. Nope. Man: Did you just check your calendar? Wally: With my system, I don't need a calendar.

Wally's Excuses List

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Wally's Excuses List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #work ethic, #laziness, #excuses, #avoidance, #business

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Wally: Work got a lot easier after I compiled a list of all my best work-avoidance excuses. Man: Wally, can you attend my project meeting? Wally: Well, let me check. Man: I haven't told you when we're meeting. Wally: That matters less than you think it should.

Wally's Dental Excuse

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Wally's Dental Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2017's comic on:


Tags #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic

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Tina: Wally, I need your input on my project plan. Wally: One moment, please. I have to check my spreadsheet to see which excuses I already used with you. Tina: I'll need a good one to get past my anger. Wally: Hmmm... maybe something dental.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2017's comic on:


Tags #analogy, #hyperbole, #exaggeration

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Dilbert: Once we have all of the vendors' bids, we will pick the best one. Man: Oh, great, so you're saying we should be exactly like serial killers? Dilbert: Uh... what? Man: Serial killers also choose their victims. Can't you see the warning flags here? You're basically promoting murder. Dilbert: That is literally the most ridiculous and unhelpful analogy of all time. I doubt you could come up with a worse analogy, no matter how hard you tried. Man: Hitler said something like that before invading Poland. Boss: Good point.