One Million Comic Strips - Page 99

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for One Million

View 981 - 990 results for one million comic strips. Discover the best "One Million" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unfunded man date, #my delivery, #no one laughs, #unemployed guy

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I went to a movie with an unemployed guy. I call that an unfunded man date. The unemployed guy didn't laugh either, Maybe its my delivery,

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mandatory online training, #system crashed, #retake training

View Transcript

Transcript

"You're the only one who hasn't finished the mandatory online six sigma training." "I finished it, but the system crashed before it stored my data." "This is when you say, 'There's no need to retake the training. I'll just check off your name.'" "Are you new on this planet?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #psychics on televison, #software testing staff, #one medium, #punish them

View Transcript

Transcript

"I've noticed that deadd people know a lot. They're always yapping to psychics on television." "We could kill the entire software-testing staff and replace them with one medium." "Do you see any problem with that?" "If the dead people lie, how would we punish them?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #said to reporter, #technology is purtrid, #compensate, #ignore complaints, #witch hunt

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is holding a newspaper and looks panicked. He says to Catbert, "Look what one of our engineers said to a reporter!" Catbert reads, "Our technology is putrid, but we compensate by ignoring complaints." The Boss asks Catbert, "You know what would be more fun than fixing those problems?" Catbert exclaims, "Witch-hunt!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new corporate code, #report immediately, #señor management, #ship prodcuts, #defective, #take care, #lying, #report you

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fooglepoopillion, #embarrased, #tell the truth, #best policy, #honesty, #what you say

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is at home. He says to Dogbert, "My company lost a frooglepoopillion dollars. I'm embarrassed to tell people where I work." Dogbert responds, "Never be afraid to tell the truth about yourself." Dilbert asks, "Because honesty is the best policy?" Dogbert replies, "Because no one pays any attention to what you say."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #record loss, #press release, #ceo stepped down, #100 million, #tenure, #shareholders, #bought stock

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is working on his computer. Wally is standing behind him. Dilbert says, "Here's the press release about our record loss." Dilbert reads, "The CEO stepped down after earning more than $100 million more than the company itself during his tenure." Dilbert continues reading, "In a message to shareholders, he said, 'Ha ha! Maybe you should have bought stock in me!! Who's your daddy?!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #value of merger, #large number, #marketing department, #frooglepoopillion

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "The company will be taking a one-time charge to write down the value of our merger." The Boss continues, "The number is so large that it has no name. Our marketing department is on it." A co-worker raises his hand and says, "Let's see a show of hands for 'Frooglepoopillion.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee of year, #awrd, #better luck, #next year, #jealousy, #unattractive

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands at a podium and says, "The 'Employee of the Year' Award goes to.. no one." The Boss' voice continues, "Thanks for coming. Better luck next year." Dilbert and Wally are walking out. Dilbert says, "It's not as bad as the time that you won it." Wally responds, "Jealousy is unattractive."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #worthless fat, #everyone participates

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "How can we eliminate $200,000 of worthless fat?" The Boss exclaims, "Wow! Every hand went up. I like it when everyone participates!" The Boss is sitting at his desk. He says to Catbert, "So it turns out that it's better when no one participates."