Out Bidding Comic Strips - Page 99
1000 Results for Out Bidding
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Share October 23, 1996's comic on:
Catbert walks down the hall thinking, "I feel like committing random acts of catness." Catbert holds out his paws and thinks, "Woman in pink suit approaching . . . Activate purring and shedding." Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "So, Alice, how long does it take to curl and style a suit like that?" Wally asks, "Do you dry-clean it or just give it a perm?"
Share October 10, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector discussing "Strategic Alliance Issues." Dilbert says, "Issue one: Our two companies have very different corporate cultures." A man with a goatee sits at the conference table working on a laptop. A woman with spiked hair sits next to him. The man says, "While you were droning I slammed out some beta code and put it on the Internet for comments." Dilbert says, "My company prefers to have that kind of decision made by uninformed executives. We call it 'empowerment.'" The man replies, "I'll mention that in the press release."
Share October 06, 1996's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Nobody has nominated a co-worker for a special achievement award." The Boss continues, "Someone in this group must have done SOMETHING good this year." Wally says, "No . . . I don't think so." Dilbert says, "We'd remember something like that." The Boss says, "This looks bad. All the other departments are giving themselves awards." The Boss says, "We might have to lower our standards a bit." Alice says, "I've been proactive in that area." The Boss asks, "Why are we standing in the hallway?" Wally replies, "We think the room is locked." Dilbert says, "We don't have the key." The caption says, "Later that month." The Boss hands Alice an award and says, "This award goes to Alice for boldly trying the door knob." Alice says, "When I find out who nominated me . . ."
Share October 02, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert: Carolf, I need yo document your procedure for ordering office supplies. Its and ISO 9000 requirement. Carol: If someone asks for something, I check first the supply cabinet first. Then I say, "Theres one left You can't have it because then we'd be all out" Carol: Then I spend the rest of the day complaining about the person who asked. Dilbert: Uh - Oh....Im out of ink.
Share September 12, 1996's comic on:
Alice, Dilbert, Wally and the Boss sit around a table. The Boss is sleeping. Alice yells, "It's hopeless! You're losers! We'll never make a sundial out of a pencil and an eaten donut!" The janitor enters the room and says, "Hee hee! All you had to do was stick the pencil in the donut." The janitor lies over the table with the pencil sticking out of his back. Dilbert says, "We just broke all kinds of union rules." Wally says, "But hey! Look at the shadow from the pencil!"
Share August 29, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dilbert says, ". . . So the salesperson made an idiotic promise to our customer. Now it's MY job to fix it." Dogbert says, "The brain is an amazing thing." Dilbert asks, "Are you saying that if I use the untapped power of my brain, there's a solution?" Dogbert replies, "No, I'm saying my amazing brain filtered out your boring story so I could enjoy my walk."
Share August 23, 1996's comic on:
The caption says, "Asok the Intern." Dilbert, Alice, Asok and Wally sit at a conference table. Asok says, "I came in over the weekend and looked at the design you've been working with all year." Asok continues, "It turns out that you could have built the unit at half the cost with just one minor change." Asok continues, "Is it true I can win awards for this sort of thing?" Alice whispers to Wally, "Fetch the internapult."
Share August 10, 1996's comic on:
The Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "You employees are the key to our economic success." The Boss explains, "Anytime we need a little stock-price boost, we just fire another batch of you. It's like printing money!" The Boss holds up a chart and says, "In fact, 'incompetence' has become our most profitable product." Alice says, "Wow. It beat out 'lying to customers.'"
Share August 09, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert looks over the wall into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, these peer reviews are like the famous 'prisoner's dilemma.'" Dilbert explains, "If you rat on me but I say good things about you, you get the biggest raise. But if we praise each other we can BOTH get a small raise." Alice looks over the wall and says, "Wally, if you rat him out, I'll let you look at my 'Victoria's Secret' catalog." Dilbert says, "This is exactly why there are no coed prisons."
Share August 06, 1996's comic on:
Tina thinks, "I accidentally sent my torrid love letter to every person on our e-mail system." Tina peers out of her cubicle and thinks, "Should I hide forever or can I count on the professionalism of my co-workers?" Wally points to Tina's cubicle and says, "We'll complete our 'Career Day' tour with an exhibit that I call 'Tina, the Red-Faced Monkey of Love.'" Three children look in the cubicle and one says, "It's hiding."