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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Wally, I can't work with the smell of popcorn in the air. It makes me insane!" "I use it to mask the odors coming from my body. Choose your poison." "Refueling the Hindenburg?" "Why are people so mean?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I want to debate with people on the Internet but I worry that I'm not smart enough." "Maybe I'll just read what the smart people are saying." "Okay, I'm in."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"How can I tell if I'm drinking too much coffee?" "What would you do if I told you to quit?" "I'd jab you with a used needle." "In that case, you're fine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Thanks to coffee, I can levitate objects with my mind." "Bring...the mouse...Bring the...mouse." "It's not perfect yet." "No problem. I appreciate the attention."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Wally, how do you cope with the soul-crushing futility of this job?" "One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee." "What got into you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Sometimes I feel as if my life is nothing but moving things from one place to another." "I've decided to seek a deeper connection with others to cure my emptiness." "Blah, blah, blah." "Maybe I'm doing it wrong."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"My project has been infected by attractive people." "As you know, attractive people are unproductive." "The problem is compounded when you put several of them in the same room." "They've already started to pair off." "I've got four love triangles and six divorces." "All of my status reports say, and I quote, 'Dude, I can't concentrate now.'" "My plan is to replace each attractive person with something like this, or this." "He thinks I'm productive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I need you to drop whatever you're doing and work all night to make this change to your system." "If you refuse to do my bidding, here's the rumor I will spread about you." "Ha! I'll say I was only scratching an itch." "Good luck with that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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My boss marked me with the plunger of blame. How can I get rid of it? "Eventually your body will absorb the plunger of blame and turn it into the wrinkles of experience." "And then you die." "It's starting to itch!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"A business magazine is sending a reporter to interview me." "You?" "They want to learn my best management practices." "That's a little like milking a squirrel because you need butter." "I don't know what that meant, but I like the way it sounded." "Describe your typical day." "Well, let me tell you..." "Sometimes you milk the squirrel, and sometimes the squirrel milks you." "'He is like a zen master. His words are peppered with squirrel-related wisdom.'" THE TIMES