Touching Brain With Nose Comic Strips - Page 99

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View 981 - 990 results for touching brain with nose comic strips. Discover the best "Touching Brain With Nose" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #prepare proposal, #prodcuts, #expertise, #figure out, #expensive bidder, #bid low, #essential upgardes, #randomly assigned, #create lies, #proposal, #can't win

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The Boss: "Prepare a proposal for this customer." Dilbert: "Why me?" "You were walking by. I had it in my head." "We can't win this business. We don't have the right products or expertise." The Boss: "Just say we do. We'll figure it out later." Dilbert: "They know we don't. And we'd still be the most expensive bidder." The Boss: "Bid low. We'll make it up with change orders and unexpected essential upgrades." Dilbert: "In other words, I've been randomly assigned to create lies for a proposal we can't win for a service we can't perform." The Boss: "You make competing sound bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #manage, #spreadsheets, #emails, #luck, #unimportant subordinates, #bad mood, #insulting, #low morale

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The boss: "Cancel all of my meetings. I'm going to manage by making spreadsheets and sending e-mails." "With any luck, I'll never again need to speak with unimportant subordinates such as yourself." "C23 is in a bad mood today." "@#$%^!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #note, #email, #voicemail, #constant contact, #badger, #something wrong

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Tina: Did you get the note I left on your monitor? "Yes." "Did you get my voicemail?" Dilbert: "Yes." Tina: "Did you get my e-mail?" Dilbert: "Yes." Tina: "Should I tell you what the note and voicemail and e-mail said?" Dilbert: "There's something wrong with you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2007's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #wait to buy, #new model, #sales, #negotiate, #business

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Dilbert: When do you expect to come out with a new model? Vendor: In about two months. Dilbert: I'll wait and buy the new model. Vendor: Did I say two months? I meant never. Dilbert: Never? That must mean your company is going out of business and won't support this product. Vendor: What's a length of time between two months and never that would cause you to buy now?" Dilbert: One year. Vendor: Our new model comes out in a year. Dilbert: I'll wait until then. Vendor: You're the worst customer ever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2007's comic on:


Tags #automated sytem, #arbitrary deadline, #work smarter, #not harder, #sense of urgency, #get work done

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Dilbert: "I can't develop an automated testing system by the arbitrary deadline you set." The Boss: "Try working smarter, not harder, with a sense of urgency, and a bias for action." Dilbert: "Or maybe you could do something differently." The Boss: "I'm not the one who can't get his work done."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2007's comic on:


Tags #employee orientation, #no time, #exercise, #long hours, #trans fat, #positive note, #payroll dedcution, #service, #save money, #dirt, #cubicle, #burial site, #health

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Employee Orientation Catbert: "This job will leave you with no time for exercise." "You will work long hours and consume trans fats until you are shaped like this." "On a positive note, our payroll deduction service allows you to save money for dirt to turn your cubicle into a burial site."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #sand wedge, #sandwhich, #golfing, #caddy, #losing adavantage, #eating quickly, #angry intern, #hungry

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The Boss: Give me a sand wedge. Asok: "This sandwich is all I have for lunch. You can take my pride but not my sandwich!" The boss: "I think I'm losing the psychological advantage with my foursome." mmmph chew-chew-chew! hee-hee!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2007's comic on:


Tags #career counselor, #flower arranging, #billionaire, #work hard, #defeat purpose, #no work, #doesn't want to work

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Dogbert, career counselor "What would you like to do with your degree in...flower arranging?" "I'd like to be a billionaire." "Are you willing to work hard?" "That would sort of defeat the purpose."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2007's comic on:


Tags #personal problems, #doctors, #opeation, #serial problems, #steady diet, #licorice, #diet soda, #spleen, #c4 explosive, #support group, #alqueda

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Nancy, the employee with serious personal problems Nancy: "The doctors say I need an operation." "They think my steady diet of licorice and diet soda turned my spleen into a C-4 explosive." "So I joined a support group. Have you heard of Al Qaeda?" Dilbert: "Gotta go..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2007's comic on:


Tags #serial personal problems, #in love, #medical school cadaver, #bad decisons, #acting cold, #boyfriend acting cold

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Nancy, the employee with serious personal problems Nancy: "I'm in love with a medical school cadaver." Alice: "Do you ever think that maybe your personal problems are caused by your own bad decisions?" Nancy: "How's it my fault that my boyfriend is acting cold?"