911 Inside Job Comic Strips - Page 99

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1000 Results for 911 Inside Job

View 981 - 990 results for 911 inside job comic strips. Discover the best "911 Inside Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, rules, quotes, chaos, purchasing

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purchasing manager: i can't approve this purchase without three vendor quotes. dilbert: only two companies in the world make this sort of product. purchasing manager: if i bend the rules for you, everyone will want me to bend the rules. dilbert: maybe you could only bend the rules when it makes complete sense to do so. purchasing manager: that would be chaos. Purchasing manager: everyone thinks they have a good reason to bend the rules. dilbert: is the real problem here that you were bullied in school, and you use this job for some sort of sick revenge. purchasing manager: now you need four vendor quotes.

Below Average

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Below Average - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, engineering, jobs, math, sarcasm, review

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Boss: Your job performance is below average. Dilbert: How did you calculate an average for a job that no one else has ever performed? Boss: Math?

More People Working At Home

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More People Working At Home - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, office, office workers

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Boss: The office is too quiet today. Carol: That's because more people are working from home. Boss: How can I do my job if I can't pop into people's cubicles and share my wisdom? Second question: why is everything running so smoothly lately?

Leadership Conference In Maui

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Leadership Conference In Maui - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, irritation, managers & supervisors, vacations

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Boss: The leadership conference is in Maui next week. I need you to sit in for me...and do your own job at the same time. While I'm drinking on the beach. Dilbert: I get it!!!

Wally Is New Pet Employee

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Wally Is New Pet Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business ethics, criticism, employees, managers & supervisors, office workers, work ethic

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Boss: I"m looking for a new pet employee. The ideal candidate would be a brown-nosing tattler with no ethical core. Wally: That sounds like a brilliant idea, even though Dilbert says you are a moron. Boss: You got the job.

Agreeing With The Boss

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Agreeing With The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, climate change, employees, managers & supervisors, meetings, office workers, agree

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Boss: As my new pet employee, your job is to agree with everything I say in meetings. Can you do that? Wally: Sure. How hard could it be? Boss: Climate change is caused by gravity. Wally: That's right!

The Inexperienced Employee.

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The Inexperienced Employee. - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, criticism, employees, insults, office workers

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Man: Let me tell you how to do your job. You need to get all the vendors in the same room and insult them until they offer you discounts. Dilbert: That sounds super dumb. Man: That's what they said to Galileo old man.

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. - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, criticism, managers & supervisors, office workers, sabotage

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Boss: My new employee is doing such great work that he makes the rest of you look like chimpanzees. I think you know what you need to do. Wally: Sabotage all of his projects. Boss: Try to do it before he takes my job.

Centralizing The Decentralized

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Centralizing The Decentralized - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, value

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Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.

Hypothetical Observer

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Hypothetical Observer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, insults, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, idiot

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Dilbert: Thank you for explaining to me how to do my job, for which I am highly trained and you are not. An observer might be tempted to say only an idiot would do such a thing. Boss: Is that an insult? Dilbert: Hey, don't blame me for what a hypothetical observer says.