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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #elbonians, #war, #punching, #pow, #cultural sensitivity

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The Boss says, "Alice, I'm sending you to cultural sensitivity training before we meet with the Elbonians." The Boss says, "Last time you almost started a war." Alice says, "I made one little mistake." FLASHBACK Alice says, "And here's another way the women in my country are different." POW!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #cultural sensitivity, #elbonians, #negotiating, #soul, #training, #yawn

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CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING Man says, ?Elbonians believe that if you yawn in their direction, you steal their soul.? Alice says, ?In other words, we can use it as a negotiating tool.? Man says, ?No, that's not...? LATER Alice says, ?Okay, my intern has your soul. Give us a 20% discount or he swallows.?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2010's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #dead, #ductwork, #stuck, #meeting, #discuss, #solution, #cool device, #duct pressure, #carcass, #jerry maguire, #business

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Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss is stuck in our building's ductwork and presumed dead." Dilbert says, "We can alert the proper authorities, or we can design a totally cool device to increase the duct pressure and propel his carcass into the stratosphere." Alice says, "You had me at 'carcass.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2010's comic on:


Tags #boss, #stuck, #security, #ductwork, #cool device, #dead, #calling for help, #crime, #alive, #tools, #machine, #air vent

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Boss is stuck in the ductwork. Dilbert says, "The turbo blower kicks in after the lubricant cycle." Dilbert says, "We're sure he's already dead, right?" The Boss says, "Help!" Alice says, "Arguably, the real crime here would be building a machine this cool and not using it." The Boss says, "Can anyone hear me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2010's comic on:


Tags #hospital, #ductwork, #shot out, #survived, #alive, #pointy hair, #cushion, #cool machines, #bed, #play, #fiddle, #disrupt, #medical

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Doctor says, "He survived because his pointy hair cushioned the impact." Doctor says, "Please resist the urge to fiddle with the cool machines that keep him alive." Alice says, "Maybe we can make him smarter." Wally says, "What's this do?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #the boss' wife, #stake, #died, #dead, #funeral, #casket, #mallet, #surprised, #spouse, #looking at dead body

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Dilbert says, "Do you think he's really dead?" Alice says, "I brought a wooden stake just in case." Dilbert says, "Me too, just in case the afterlife rejects him." Wally says, "It's legal, right?" Alice says, "Uh-oh." Dilbert says, "Spouse?" Wife says, "Did anyone think to bring a mallet?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #savings, #ted, #budget, #project, #fail, #destroy, #suggestion, #help, #pain, #worse, #hurt, #mouth open, #yell

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Alice says, "You added the savings from my project to the budge for Ted's project." Alice says, "Ted is a serial failer. You've destroyed in advance any hope that I might do something useful." The Boss says, "Maybe you could help Ted on his project." Alice says, "Ow! Ow! Making it worse!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2010's comic on:


Tags #victor, #project, #goat head, #upset, #angry, #awful, #slap, #help, #ask, #wind up, #stand on one leg, #cringe, #hard hit, #dolphin head, #change species, #seeing stars, #messy hair

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Asok says, "Alice, a horrible accident has given me a goat head. I need you to slap me so hard that I change species from the neck up." Alice says, "Hold still, Asok. This might take a few tries." Two Hours Later Alice says, "Dolphin is close! One more should do it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2010's comic on:


Tags #eat donut, #doughnut, #feng shui, #workflow energy, #project, #stack of papers, #design specs, #angry, #superstition, #science

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Wally says, "It's good Feng Shui to stand next to you because you absorb the workflow energy." Alice says, "What?" The Boss says, "I need someone to check all of these design specs before tomorrow morning." Wally says, "Some people call it superstition, but I'm pretty sure it's a science."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags #coworker, #question, #hold out paper, #technical accuracy, #no, #coffee, #bad attitude, #harsh, #grumpy

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Coworker says, "Alice, can you check this for technical accuracy?" Alice says, "Nope. Don't have time." Alice says, "And no one else is qualified, so you might as well give up and look for a new job." Coworker says, "That was a bit harsh." Alice says, "You'd be less worthless if you fetched me some coffee."