Alice Sits Boss Comic Strips - Page 99

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exorcise demons, #stupidity, #posess, #stupidity gone, #boss, #empty suit

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Dogbert: Hold still while I exorcise the demons of stupidity that possess you. OUT! OUT! I command you demons of stupidity to be gone!! The suit is now safe. The boss: thanks!

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #delight customers, #fire everybody, #price of products, #slogan, #stop meetings, #we waste your money

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The Boss: "We must constantly ask ourselves what we can do to delight our customers." Alice: "We could stop having these meetings, fire everybody in the room and lower the prices of our products." The Boss: "I was thinking more alone the lines of a slogan." Wally: "How about, 'we waste your money'?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #resources vailable, #common employees, #more money, #project, #all gone, #hypocrite boss, #no time

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The Boss: "Although I'm technically the 'Boss' I believe it's my job to make resources available to you, the common employees." Dilbert: "I need more money for my project." The Boss: "Sorry, all gone." Dilbert: "Maybe I'll get on your calendar so we can discuss it." The Boss: I've got twenty minutes next summer."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #back of neck, #humane, #layoffs, #tranquilizer, #unemployment offcie, #wake up, #shooter, #gun, #knocked out

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The Boss: The layoffs will be handled in the most human way possible. POW! Dilbert: How long does the tranquilizer last? The Boss: he'll wake up at the unemployment office,

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buzzword bingo, #buzzword, #very attentive, #proactive leadership, #bingo

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Wally: "Here's your 'buzzword bingo' card for the meeting." Wally: "If the boss uses a buzzword on your card, you check it off. The objective is to fill a row." The Boss: "You're all very attentive today. My proactive leadership must be working!" Wally: "Bingo, sir."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new management layer, #middle mangemnet, #new boss, #harfurd, #idiot, #unqualified, #fool

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The Boss: Im creating a new layer of management so I dont have to talk to you anymore. Richard is your new boss. He has an MBA from Harfund University. Dilbert: You mean Harvard don't you? The Boss: Uh oh

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blind ambition, #chips & dips, #food services, #new name, #procurement, #the unled, #new department

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The Boss: We'll need a name for the newly reorganized department. The name should reflect how Ive seamlessly integrated engineering with food services and procurement. Dilbert: How about "chips and dips"? Wally: "Blind Ambition" Man: " The unled"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #weasel, #mink, #boss, #Dilbert

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The Boss: I hired a weasel to help us write our business case. whisper whisper The Boss: Did I say weasel? I meant mink.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #upgrade boss computer, #cardboard prop, #came with desk, #new mother board, #new desk, #needs, #no actual computer

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The Boss: "I want you to help me upgrade the computer in my office." Dilbert: "The computer in your office is a cardboard prop that came with your desk." The Boss: "So, I need a new motherboard, right?" Dilbert: "No, you need a new desk."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #bathroom, #business

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dilbert: We could have our next all-day staff meeting at my house. Alice: do you have actual furniture? Dilbert: Somebody will have to sit in the bathroom Wally: I call bathroom.