Balancing Work Life Comic Strips - Page 99
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Share August 19, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert stands at a desk and Dogbert sits next to a telescope. Dilbert says, "According to my calculations, the asteroid 'Sagnorpt' will collide with earth in 2.3 minutes." Dogbert covers his eyes and screams, "We're all gonna die!" Dogbert hugs Dilbert's legs and shouts, "I'm sorry about all of those bad things I've done to you!" Dogbert cries, "I renounce my evil ways! I dedicate the remaining minute of my life to the poor!!" Dogbert says, "Waitta minute . . . Why aren't you groveling for salvation?" Dilbert replies, "The asteroid is only the size of a golf ball." There's a large crash. Dilbert lies on the floor after the asteroid hits him on the head. Dogbert says, "I probably shouldn't try to read too much into this."
Share November 04, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert walks into a store called Nerdstrom. A salesclerk says to Dilbert, "Hi, I'm Larry, and I'll be your personal shopping assistant." The salesman opens a measuring tape and says, "I'll start by measuring you, then I'll do your colors, then compile a brief family history for our records." The salesman continues, "Complimentary food and beverages will be served, and a masseuse is on call." Dilbert says, "I'm looking for a new pen . . . Maybe something in a Bic." The man says, "I recommend the blue. We guarantee it for life." Dilbert says, "Yes, this will do nicely." Back at home, Dogbert asks, "Was it expensive?" Dilbert replies, "Fortunately, I qualified for their identured servant plan."
Share December 16, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert's car taps the car behind it. Dilbert says, "Oh, carp . . . I'd better see if I dented it." Dilbert leans into the car and tells the driver, "Your bumper doesn't appear to be . . . Uh-oh." The driver's legs and arms are contorted. He shouts at Dilbert, "Look what you've done to me, you oaf!!" The man hops out of the car and shouts, "I'll see you in court!!" The driver sits in the witness stand and tells the judge, ". . . And now I'll never be able to work again." The lawyer asks, "What kind of work did you do?" The man replies, "Well, uh . . . Er . . . Um . . ." The man answers, "Circus contortionist." The man adds, "As far as the settlement goes, I can be flexible."
Share January 06, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Boss, I have an idea." The Boss gasps. The Boss jumps up and says, "Quick! Close the blinds! I'll get the door!" The Boss shouts, "You fool! If anybody heard you, we're both dead!" The Boss continues, "Don't you realize that ideas are just targets for other power-hungry managers?!!" The Boss continues, "I've based my entire career on shooting down other people's ideas." A brick crashes through the window. Dilbert picks it up and says, "The note says, 'We know you have an idea in there. Give it up.'" Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dogbert asks, "How was work?" Dilbert replies, "Same ol' same ol'."
Share January 27, 1991's comic on:
Rex: Dogbert, can I ask you a question? Dogbert: Sure, little Rex. Rex: What's the difference between good and evil? Dogbert: Well, evil is all the stuff you want to do... And good is the stuff that others force you to do. Rex: My dad says that good is what you know in your heart. He says evil is a bad gut feeling. Dogbert: Well, of course, your dad's brain is so tiny that his other organs have to pitch in like that. Rex: Maybe I shouldn't learn about life from a guy who counts with his toes. Dogbert: And thinks with his guts.
Share March 10, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk with Dogbert. Dogbert says, "Our neighbor is being loud and obnoxious again." Loud music plays next door and someone shouts, "Party!!" Dilbert replies, "Not for long. I'm going to override his home electronic systems with my computer." Dilbert continues, "I can control his television, microwave, telephone, stereo, garage door and thermostat." Dilbert appears in the neighbor's tv and says, "Attention! Attention! Obnoxious neighbor!!" Dilbert says into a microphone, "I am Dilbert. I have control over your life-support systems." Dilbert continues, "I will cut off your heat, entertainment and cooking appliances . . ." Dilbert continues, "Unless you pack up and leave the neighborhood immediately." Dogbert shouts, "He's trying to enroll in a computer science class!" Dilbert says, "The fool! It's much too late for that."
Share March 17, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert approaches three boys in scout uniforms. He says, "Attention, beaver troup! I am Dogbert, your new leader." Dogbert continues, "Mrs. Philbininski, your previous troop leader, ran off with the mailman." Dogbert picks up a chair and says, "I volunteered to lead the troop . . ." Dogbert stands on the chair and continues, ". . . So I could mold your putty-like brains into tools to serve my personal amibition for world conquest." Dogbert continues, "You will be my army of obedient servants." Dogbert shouts, "We will march together toward greatness!!!" One of the scouts says, "There's no merit badge for world conquest. We only work for merit badges." Dogbert walks on the sidewalk thinking, "Mrs. Philbininski ruined those kids."
Share February 10, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert lies on the couch looking worried and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert says, "I have too many passwords in my life. What if I forget them?" Dogbert's ears fly up and he shouts, "You'd lose your job! You wouldn't be able to withdraw money or check phone messages! You'd be dead in a week!" Dilbert's hair and tie fly up and he says, "That would have been a good time to be quietly supportive, Dogbert." Dogbert responds, "Oh, yeah, that's a lot of fun."
Share March 02, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and another employee sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I think you'll agree that this meeting went smoothly with me as facilitator." Dogbert continues, "The breakthrough was when I realized I was the only one here with anything valuable to say." Dogbert concludes, "Let's have a moment of silence to honor me for my brilliant work despite being surrounded by dolts." Everyone at the table looks angry.
Share March 20, 1996's comic on:
Alice peers into Asok's cubicle and says, "Asok, come quickly! It's an emergency!" Alice and Asok stand in front of a heating duct. Alice says, "You must crawl through the Jeffries tube and shut down the furnace before it fries us all!" Asok's legs stick protrude from the heating duct. Alice holds a sign that says, "Spank the intern $0.50." Alice says to Dilbert, "Today young Asok learns that life is NOT like 'Star Trek.'"