Doll Like Husband Comic Strips - Page 99

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #out of engineer, #more adminstrative, #write reports, #gradually shift, #writing reports, #vegetative

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Wally says to The Boss, "I'd like to make a gradual shift out of engineering and into something more administrative." Wally continues, "For example, I could write reports that tell other people how to do their jobs better." Wally concludes, "Then I could gradually shift out of writing reports and into something more vegetative."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #learn take risks, #quitting company, #someplace better, #understand

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Alice is sitting at The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "Alice, you have to learn how to take risks." Alice replies, "You mean like quitting this putrid company and going to work someplace better?" The Boss asks Catbert, "Why doesn't anyone understand anything I say?" Catbert responds, "Three o'clock."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cloning the boss, #problem with clone, #dna module, #one half horse

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Headline: Cloning The Boss. Dilbert is dressed as a doctor, The Boss is lying on an operation bed. Dilbert says, "There's a problem with your clone." Dilbert continues, "Wally spilled soda on the DNA module. Your clone is one- half horse posterior." Dilbert continues, "And one-half that isn't like you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #network outages, #network room, #unplugging server, #noisy, #server is waitress?, #lan

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Asok points to a diagram of a LAN configuration and says, "I have discovered the cause of our network outages." Asok continues, "Some idiot is using our network room for meetings and unplugging the server because it's too noisy." The Boss turns to Wally and Dilbert and says, "A server is like a waitress, right?" Wally replies, "Yeah, a noisy one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #circuit design, #mention, #didnt, #psychic, #conversation

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Dilbert is eating lunch with a female coworker. The coworker says, "Then I noticed that the circuit design looked like a bug. I was going to mention it but then I didn't." Dilbert exclaims, "I'm psychic!" Dilbert continues, "Unless you're saying out loud every thought that crosses your mind." The coworker gives the thumbs up and says, "It's called conversation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos goal, #improve revenue, #fired, #contratcor, #cancelled my contract

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The Boss says to an employee, "Our CEO's goal is to improve our revenue per employee. So I'm going to fire you and bring you back as a contractor." The employee responds, "Last week his goal was to reduce the number of contractors. So you cancelled my contract and hired me as an employee." The Boss replies, "Well, it looks like someone doesn't like having his cheese moved." The employee looks at The Boss skeptically.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pulls knife, #pleasure to meet, #psycho hillbilly, #crazy old coot, #network design engineers

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The psycho hillbilly raises his knife at Asok and says, "Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you." Asok jumps back and exclaims, "Gaaa!!" Asok says, "You look like a psycho hillbilly" The hillbilly replies, "Thank you very much." The hillbilly continues, "We network design engineers like to dress with a theme." Asok asks, "May I call you crazy old coot?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #day off, #move my home, #one hour, #negotiate, #can't use vehicle

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Asok asks The Boss, "May I have a day off to move my home?" The Boss says, "One hour." Asok replies, "What? Why only one hour?" The Boss says, "I like to negotiate." Asok says, "I guess I can try doing it in one hour." The Boss adds, "And you can't use a vehicle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion dollars, #lose bid, #winning less work, #cost estimates

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Dilbert approaches a coworker and says, "I need your cost estimates for my bid proposal." The coworker says, "A billion dollars." Dilbert responds, "That sounds high for administrative overhead." The coworker replies, "If you already know the cost, why ask me?" Dilbert says angrily, "You'll make us lose the bid." The coworker replies, "I like to think of it as winning less work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #downsized, #not one of them, #project cancelled, #wonder, #zombie, #offer to walk, #boos, #fired, #let go, #shock

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Dilbert is sitting in front of The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "Your project is cancelled. You'll be downsized in ninety days." The Boss continues, "Until then, feel free to wander around like a zombie." Dilbert walks past coworkers and thinks to himself, "I walk among them but I am not one of them."