Don't Believe News Comic Strips - Page 99

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View 981 - 990 results for don't believe news comic strips. Discover the best "Don't Believe News" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sacrificial lamb, #head count vacancy, #budget cut, #shake hands, #get attached

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The boss introduces a new man to Dilbert. The boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new sacrifial lamb." The boss says, "I filled our headcount vacancy so we have someone to dump after the next budget cut." The lamb says, "Should we shake hands?" The boss says, "I don't want to get attached."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #god hates pople, #coffee tastes better, #stir with finger, #lonely religion

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Wally and Dilbert are in the office kitchen getting coffee. Wally says, "I believe God created the earth because he hates people." Wally says, "And I believe coffee tastes better if you stir it with your finger." Dilbert says, "It sound like a lonely religion." Wally says, "They all start that way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management guide, #work, #bright enough, #decions, #randomness

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Dogbert sits at a table with the boss. Dogbert wears a turban. Dogbert says, "You must use the stars as your management guide." The boss says, "Does that work?" The boss says, "If you believe it works, then you're not bright enough to make your own decisions anyway." Dogbert wags his tail. Dogbert says, "So randomness is probably an improvement." The boss says, "Q.E.D."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nice woman, #venting, #phone number, #sounds nocer, #insulted, #descent story, #Dilbert, #brutal truth

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Dilbert is at a party. A woman says, "And then I said, "How am I supposed to do all that?" then I glared at her." Dilbert says, "Do you have that woman's phone number? She sounds nicer than you." Dilbert walks and thinks, "I don't see why it's MY fault she can't tell a decent story."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #hammer head bob, #im boring, #no way, #end conversation

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You're getting a visit from Hammer head Bob! I can't tell when Im boring, I might be boring now and I don't even know it, There's no way to end a conversation with me; I'll follow you to the bathroom. Dilbert: Im nailed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #answer phone, #trick question, #meeting, #better get this, #phone rings, #ignores boss call, #business

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The boss comes up behind Wally who sits at his desk. The boss says, "Wally, I've been calling you for two hours! Why don't you answer your phone?" Wally says, "Is that a trick question?" The boss says, "Wally, unless your in a meeting.." The phone rings. Wally says, "Hold on. I'd better get this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #despicable creep, #pay for crimes, #tell him, #feelings, #date at 10

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Dilbert walks with a dark haired women. She says, "I never told my last boyfriend what a despicable creep he was." She grabs on to the front of Dilbert's shirt and says, "But you'll pay for his crimes and pay dearly!!" Dilbert looks mad and says, "Why don't you call him and tell him how you feel?" She says, "I have a date with him at ten o'clock tonight."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame others, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #oversized head, #problem, #tight pantyhose, #low morale

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Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert says, to Alice, "Alice, you blame others for your low morale." Catbert points at Alice and says, "BUT THE REAL PROBLEM IS YOUR TIGHT PANTYHOSE!!" Alice says, "I don't think so." CAtbert says, "Then how do you explain your oversized head?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pick up phone, #calling and calling, #fist of death, #gnawed, #wall to escape

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Alice stands behind Asok who sits at his computer. Alice says, "Asok, I've been calling and calling, but you don't pick up your phone." Alice pushes up her sleeve and says, "I'd like you to meet a little something I call the "fist of death." Wally and Dilbert look at a tattered hole in a cubicle wall. Wally says, "It looks like he gnawed through the wall to escape."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #employee skills, #database, #moving everyone, #jobs, #laughed fuzzy

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Caption "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sits at a conference table with Wally and Asok. Catbert says, "I'm starting an employee skills database." Asok raises his hand and says, "Question: Is this the first step in moving everyone to jobs they don't want?" Catbert says, "No, no, no..... The first step was when I laughed myslef fuzzy thinking about it."