Good First Impression Comic Strips - Page 99

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"Oprah invited me to appear on her show to talk about my book, but I'm too busy. Can you pretend you're me?" "Gosh...Normally I would never do something like that, but it's probably my only chance of being on Oprah. Thank you." "Ow! Ow! Ow!" "Oprah is a surprisingly good puncher."

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I find it rather demotivating that you never praise me for a job well done. "You've never done a job well." "That's because I'm demotivated." "You have to go first." "Wouldn't that make me the leader?"

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Today I had a choice of doing something important that no one would ever realize... "...Or doing something useless that would look like an accomplishment." "So I attended meetings until I could no longer appreciate the difference." "Keep up the good work."

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"My PowerPoint presentation is a vision of beauty and persuasion." "It will make engineers weep, and profits will rain down from the sky." "Jeepers. What kind of limping scrod is that?" "The good kind!"

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Maybe I'll quit this job and sell things on eBay. "What things?" "Items." "People like items." "Good plan."

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Executive Compensation Review Board "How much should we pay our CEO if he just shows up for work?" "FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS!!!" honk honk "The clown makes a good argument." "Aye!"

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Is it difficult to transition from leading troops in combat life to the corporate life? "WHERE ARE THE PRODUCT SPECS?!!" "The main difference is that it's harder to get good intel."

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"I need you to drop whatever you're doing and work all night to make this change to your system." "If you refuse to do my bidding, here's the rumor I will spread about you." "Ha! I'll say I was only scratching an itch." "Good luck with that."

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"I worry that all of my wisdom is derived from bad analogies." "Ratbert, sometimes a good wine has to age before it is perfect." "So...I'll get smarter over time?" "To the extent that you are like a grape."

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I just saw Mort in his cubicle. I think he's...dead. "I noticed that yesterday." "And you didn't say anything???! Were you thinking he's just as dead tomorrow and someone else can do the paperwork?" "Wait. That's pretty good thinking..." "I was proud of it."