Lie About Achievments Comic Strips - Page 99
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1000 Results for Lie About Achievments
View 981 - 990 results for lie about achievments comic strips. Discover the best "Lie About Achievments" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday March 29,
2010
Tags #meeting, #work, #lazy, #update software, #computer, #reboot, #endless cycle, #drink coffee, #optimism, #past, #waste time, #technology, #business
Transcript
Wally says, "Every time I update my software, it tells me I have to reboot." Wally says, "And every time I reboot, I get another message to update something else. It's all I've been doing since October." The Boss says, "But you worked in September, right?" Wally says, "I admire your optimism about the past."
Saturday April 03,
2010
Tags #plan, #transfer, #missile guidance engineering division, #pour coffee, #face front, #unimportant tasks, #destroy, #fishing village, #lazy
Transcript
Wally says, "I asked for a transfer to our missile guidance engineering division." Wally says, "Once they get to know me, they'll only give me unimportant tasks so I won't accidentally destroy a fishing village." Wally says, "The great thing about unimportant tasks is that no one really cares if you do them."
Wednesday April 07,
2010
Tags #meeting, #servers crash, #verify, #accomplishment, #awesome, #back of head, #business
Transcript
Wally says, "Our servers were about to crash, so I wrote a suite of scripts to keep them running." The Boss says, "Your accomplishments are suspiciously hard to verify." Wally says, "So, recapping what we know for sure, you're an inadequate verifier, and you can't rule out the possibility that I'm awesome."
Saturday April 10,
2010
Tags #powerpoint proboscis, #medical condition, #nose grows, #long nose, #lie, #pinocchio, #garbage man, #Advice, #corporate whistle-blower, #nose through garbage bag
Transcript
Asok says, "My nose grows when my co-workers tell lies." Garbage man says, "Does it whistle?" Asok says, "Sometimes, a little bit." Garbage man says, "You're evolving into a corporate whistle-blower." Asok says, "Are you lying?" Garbage man says, "Yeah, I just wanted to see it."
Friday April 16,
2010
Tags #nose job, #homeopathy, #art department, #annoyed, #irrational, #hurt feelings, #scorpios, #horoscope, #astrologer, #mean, #insult, #snout, #dog nose
Transcript
Asok in the art department Man says, "Maybe you could try homeopathy to fix your botched nose job." Asok says, "Maybe you could try homeopathy to fix your irrational belief in things that have no scientific basis." Man says, "You sort of hurt my feelings there." Asok says, "Didn't your astrologer warn you about Scorpios?"
Tuesday April 27,
2010
Tags #complain, #annoyed, #ted, #fire, #surprise, #meeting, #sit down, #lie, #wide eyes, #business
Transcript
Wally says, "I spent the entire week cleaning up the mess that Ted left after you fired him." Ted says, "I didn't get fired. I'm right here." Wally says, "I guess it's just his word against mine."
Saturday May 01,
2010
Tags #tech support, #condenscending, #brain, #intelligence, #sit at computer, #back, #talk, #stairs
Transcript
Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert says, "The problem is in the part of your brain that handles intelligence." Dogbert says, "I can reboot you, but I won't lie: It's going to hurt." Dilbert says, "We need to talk." Dogbert says, "Are you near stairs?"
Saturday May 22,
2010
Tags #meeting, #honest feedback, #strategy, #lie, #misperception, #hate people, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Alice, I called this meeting because you're the only person I trust to give me honest feedback on my strategy." Alice says, "It's great. It's amazing. It's the best strategy in the universe." The Boss says, "I thought you were honest." Alice says, "That's a common misperception. I just hate people."
Thursday May 27,
2010
Tags #fired, #pink slip, #cleaned out desk, #hold box, #letter of reference, #loser sign, #angry, #grit teeth, #tease
Transcript
Man says, "I cleaned out my desk. Would you be willing to give me a letter of reference?" The Boss says, "How about the letter 'L'? That seems about right?" Man thinks, "Must? not? burn... bridges." The Boss says, "Too soon?"
Friday May 28,
2010
Tags #tired, #exhausted, #research, #lie, #avoid work, #lab report, #meeting, #write down, #science, #business
Transcript
Wally says, "I'm exhausted from all of the basic research I'm doing." Wally says, "It's too bad that the value of my work won't be quantifiable for another ten years." The Boss says, "I'd like to see your lab report." Wally says, "So? the new rule is that we write down stuff?"