Need To Talk Comic Strips - Page 99
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1000 Results for Need To Talk
View 981 - 990 results for need to talk comic strips. Discover the best "Need To Talk" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday January 28,
2010
Tags #urban legends, #reality, #check up, #underwear, #doctor, #exam, #social security number, #tic tacs, #pills, #trick, #medical
Transcript
The Boss says, "I can't tell the difference between urban legends and reality." Doctor says, "I'll need your social security number so I can tell the government not to count any votes you cast." The Boss says, "You can do that?" Doctor says, "Here're some pills that look exactly like tic tacs."
Friday January 29,
2010
Tags #chain letter, #e-mail, #die, #panic, #friends, #negotiating, #fifty, #superstitious
Transcript
The Boss says, "Oh no. If I don't forward this e-mail to fifty friends, I'll die within a week." The Boss says, "I don't have that many friends! I need to make more friends, and fast!!!" Dilbert says, "What are you sending him now?" Wally says, "I'm upping it to sixty friends."
Wednesday February 03,
2010
Tags #ted, #wrong, #termination, #fired, #documents, #security access, #passwords, #fix, #fugitive, #security, #trick
Transcript
The Boss says, "Carol, you filled out Ted's termination documents wrong. You put my name in the box as the fired employee." The Boss says, "My security access has been revoked. My phone is shut off, and my passwords are deactivated." The Boss says, "You need to fix this." Carol says, "Security, I found the fugitive."
Friday February 05,
2010
Tags #security, #canceled, #accident, #help, #scared, #nervous, #ductwork, #forage, #stale donuts, #manage, #small vent
Transcript
The Boss says, "Asok, my security clearance was accidentally canceled. I need your help." Asok says, "Maybe you could live in the ductwork, and forage for stale donuts after dark." The Boss says, "How can I fit in there?" Asok says, "Try foraging as effectively as you manage."
Thursday February 18,
2010
Tags #helen fry, #ombudsman, #devil, #no pupils, #blank eyes, #soul, #take, #marketing, #meeting, #asset, #volunteer, #excited, #raise hand, #lie, #business
Transcript
Asok says, "Our ombudsman took my soul in exchange for a favorable view." Asok says, "I'd like a transfer to marketing, where having no soul is widely considered an asset." Man says, "I need someone who can make our product sound competitive without vomiting on his own copy." Asok says, "Ooh! Ooh!"
Tuesday February 23,
2010
Tags #deadline, #computer, #work, #arbitrary, #sarcastic, #hearing distance, #scurry away, #fast, #end of day, #technology
Transcript
The Boss says, "And I'll need that by the end of day." Dilbert says, "I will gladly rush to meet your arbitrary deadline so my work can sit in your e-mail inbox until next week." The Boss says, "I'm still within hearing distance." Dilbert says, "Oops. You usually scurry away faster."
Friday February 26,
2010
Tags #load calcs, #remind, #monday, #determined, #forget, #remember, #fist, #hiding day, #good luck, #hallway, #standing
Transcript
Coworker says, "Wally, I need your load calcs by Tuesday." Wally says, "Remind me on Monday." Coworker says, "You're hoping I won't remember to remind you. Then you'll say it's my fault." Coworker says, "But I will remember, and I will remind you." Wally says, "Good luck. Monday is my hiding day."
Saturday February 27,
2010
Tags #victor, #quit, #project, #take over, #tools, #glowing box, #hold, #nightlight, #finish
Transcript
The Boss says, "Victor quit. I need you to take over his project." Dilbert says, "Did he leave any documentation?" The Boss says, "No, but it's obviously some sort of glowing box. That should be enough to get your started." The Boss says, "Can you finish it by Monday?" Dilbert says, "If it's a nightlight, I can finish it by today."
Wednesday March 03,
2010
Tags #victor, #project, #goat head, #upset, #angry, #awful, #slap, #help, #ask, #wind up, #stand on one leg, #cringe, #hard hit, #dolphin head, #change species, #seeing stars, #messy hair
Transcript
Asok says, "Alice, a horrible accident has given me a goat head. I need you to slap me so hard that I change species from the neck up." Alice says, "Hold still, Asok. This might take a few tries." Two Hours Later Alice says, "Dolphin is close! One more should do it."
Saturday March 06,
2010
Tags #cancel project, #office politics, #boss, #bald, #goatee, #children, #staff, #let off steam, #Family
Transcript
Executive says, "I'm going to cancel your project because my predecessor supported it." Executive says, "And I'll need a list of any children he fathered with the staff. It's best if you don't ask why." The Boss says, "I don't think he?" Executive says, "We all do. It's how we let off steam."