New Things Comic Strips - Page 99

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Things

View 981 - 990 results for new things comic strips. Discover the best "New Things" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2005's comic on:


Tags #computer freeze, #possible fixes, #possible combination, #no guaretntee, #lazy

View Transcript

Transcript

Hello. My crashinbox computer keeps freezing up. "There are 25 possible fixes but they must be tried in every combination." "That's 625 things I'd have to try with no guarantee that any of it will work." "So you're saying you're lazy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #slight promotion, #pay same, #cucblice larger, #shaving the walls

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Asok, I decided to give you a slight promotion!" Asok: "Gasp! A slight promotion!" The Boss: "The pay will be the same but you can make your cubicle slighlty larger by shaving the ragged fabric on the inside walls." "Your new title is spelled just like the old one but it's pronounced totally differently." "ZZZZZ"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #stress hump, #no asignment, #no compeer no freinds, #resist, #the hump

View Transcript

Transcript

The New Employee "No assignment...no computer...no friends to talk to..." "It's just me and this huge stress hump." "Wazzup?" "Must...resist...urge...to name the hump...and talk to it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 2005's comic on:


Tags #stress hump, #goes away, #all in mind

View Transcript

Transcript

Could I have a few days off to see if my stress hump goes away? The boss: "Stress is all in your mind. I should fire you and your hump right now for even asking!" Dilbert: "Just because he said no?" new guy: "It was the way he said it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #wife and kids, #exercising, #eating right, #sounds dangerous, #defibrilator

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Milt you have a wife and kids. How do you find time to do everything you need to do? Milt: I had to give up a few things, such as exercising and eating healthy food. Dilbert: Thats sounds dangerous. Milt: Nah, The kids are trained to use the defibrillator.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2005's comic on:


Tags #british acent, #swoon, #fake ccent, #single, #girls fight, #married

View Transcript

Transcript

"I think I'm in love with the new guy because of his fake British accent." "He's mine!" "You're married." "I am? Wow! His British accent made me forget." "I say, old beans, did anyone see my brolly on the lift?" "Swoon" "I'm single."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2005's comic on:


Tags #freeze n expenses, #freeware version, #readily available, #coffee sipping, #noises

View Transcript

Transcript

I couldn't buy the software I need to do my job because of your freeze on expenses. "And our I.S. policy says I can't use the freeware version that is readily available." "So I used the week to develop some new coffee-sipping noises."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #resources, #do job, #how now, #brown cow

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "I don't have enough resources to do my job." The Boss: "Isn't that like saying, "How now brown cow"?" Dilbert: "You think things can't get worse, but they can."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2005's comic on:


Tags #batch of tiger meat, #project, #chanllenging, #delight stockholders, #not challenging, #less motivated

View Transcript

Transcript

"I"m ready for a new batch of tiger meat. Grrr!" "I want a project that will challenge my abilities, bring glory to the company and delight our shareholders!" "How about this one?" "Nope. Not challenging enough. I'll give it to one of the less motivated employees."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2005's comic on:


Tags #da vinci code, #excluding parts, #information etchnology, #mordac, #preventor

View Transcript

Transcript

"I am Mordac, the preventer of information technology, and I have assigned you a new password." "What is it?" "Click click" "It's the full text of 'The Da Vinci Code,' excluding the parts I don't believe." "I'm not touching you." "Stupid scenery descriptions!"