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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2006's comic on:

Tags #the contractor, #easy to get rid of, #paperwork, #point finger, #firing finger

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The Contractor "No pressure, but do you have any idea how easy it would be to get rid of you?" "There isn't even any paperwork. I just point my finger and you're history." "Here comes the firing finger. Oooh...Watch out!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I just saw a study that says the dull appearance of my cubicle is probably inhibiting the growth of neurons in my brain! "Try sitting there for a few hours and then tell me if you feel any different." "Now I can't remember what I was complaining about."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"You're always complaining about the management of your company so I decided to do something about it." "I used my billions to buy your company!" "You're going to fix management?" "No, I just wanted to stop all the whining. You're fired."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Unemployed "No problem. I'll just go online and find a great job." "Let's see...This one looks good. 'No experience needed..." "...Must be willing to relocate, then be put into a huge blender and packed as a condiment.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Job Interview "We need someone who can solve the biggest engineering problem we have ever encountered." "Just distribute the power supply across both functions and double the fan size." "Thanks. If I need anything else, I'll interview you again."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2006's comic on:

Tags #animals in human situations, #career, #criticism, #jobs, #pet ownership, #counselor, #pity

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Career Counselor Woman: And why did you leave your last job? Dilbert: My dog was tired of hearing me whine about my job, so he became a billionaire and bought my company and fired me. Woman: I don't have a checkbox for that so I'll just write in "loser".

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Google Headquarters "Isn't it a little bit evil to kill Dilbert with our death ray?" "Good point...What if I just blast the space station out of orbit and make it land on his house?" "I'll bet you ten billion dollars you can't." "And the lower has to introduce himself as 'the dumb one.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I'm Betty the Bulldozer, and I always get what I want!" "Drop everything and start doing my bidding now, intern!" "This was just a test. Wait here until I need something." shiver

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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The Society of Insane Chicks "I know he hates me because he likes to play racquetball." "Maybe he just likes racquetball and wants to stay healthy." "Leave now."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert the Lobbyist "For a million dollars I can have the government include your industrial waste in the recommended food pyramid." "For another million I'll have Congress authorize huge tax breaks for soulless, Blackberry-using weasels with coffee breath." "I just want to hug you!" "That's another million."