Other Than Money Comic Strips - Page 99

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View 981 - 990 results for other than money comic strips. Discover the best "Other Than Money" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #natural disasters, #disaster preparedness, #famine, #keyboard, #crumbs, #alene invasion, #kill a coworker, #lizard people, #impending collison, #asteroid, #running in place, #earth rotates, #planet, #hit by asteroid, #human flesh, #presentation is a disater

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Wally: I've been asked to explain our disaster preparedness plan. In the event of a famine, turn your keyboard upside down and shake. If it's anything like mine, you'll find a pound and a half of crumbs. In the event of an alien invasion, your best bet is to kill a co-worker to show your allegiance to the lizard-people. In the event of an impending collision with an asteroid, try running in place while the Earth rotates. If you time it right, you'll be on the other side of the planet when the asteroid hits. To prepare for every other type of disaster, I recommend cultivating a taste for human flesh. Boss: Your presentation is a disaster. Wally: And next time you'll be prepared for it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #money, #budget estimate, #project, #one billion dollars, #unreasonable

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Boss: I need a budget estimate for your project. Dilbert: One billion dollars. Boss: That doesn't sound reasonable. Dilbert: I'll shout numbers and you can stop me when one sounds reasonable. Boss: Please stop being you. Dilbert: Eleven!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fantasy, #money, #shrubs, #budget estimates, #spreadhseet, #ipad, #plant growing, #well fertilized

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Asok: I put your budget estimates into a spreadsheet as you asked. A well-fertilized shrub sprouted out of my iPad. What does this mean? Boss: That's how you know the budget is done.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #sales personnel, #deluxe edition, #store, #online shopping, #unnecessary warranty extenstion, #digital receipt

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Dilbert: Okay, you talked me into buying the deluxe edition. Salesman: We don't have that one in stock, but I could call around to our other stores. Dilbert: Technically, that means this is not actually a store. You're more like online shopping, but with a terrible user interface. Watch me buy that same item with my phone while you stand there being obsolete. And... done. Salesman: Did they try to sell you an unnecessary warranty extension? Dilbert: No. Salesman: Yes! I still have a purpose! Dilbert: Here's my digital receipt.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #victims, #wages, #lazy, #undependable, #disruptive, #raise, #blamed victime, #money

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Boss: You're lazy, undependable, and disruptive. That's why I can't give you a raise this year. Dilbert: How'd it go? Wally: He blamed the victim.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #defense industry, #internet & world wide web, #surveillance, #internet activity, #blind, #counceling, #weaponize

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Agent: I'm from the government. We've been monitoring your Internet activity. Half of my department went blind and the other half needs counseling. Wally: Sounds like not my problem. Agent: We'd like to weaponize you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public speaking, #telephones, #public address button, #calls, #talking to doctor, #talking dirty, #practice

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Carol: You keep pressing the public address button on your phone when you make calls. We can't tell if you're talking to your doctor or you're really, really bad at talking dirty to your wife. Boss: I use one to practice the other.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avarice, #Family, #personal items, #cubilces, #photos of kids

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Boss: Is that a picture of your kids? No personal items are allowed in cubicles! Employee: It's not personal. My kids are only in it for the money. Boss: It's more of a gray are than you'd think.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #rich people, #wages, #ceo lifestyle, #yacht, #penthouse, #estate, #priceless art, #million dollar watch, #money

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Dilbert: Hey, look! There's a story on the Internet about your fabulous CEO lifestyle. Here's a picture of your yacht, your penthouse in New York, your palatial estate, and your priceless art. CEO: This really isn't the time. Dilbert: Said the man with the million-dollar watch.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #inventions, #space flight, #elon musk, #space hsips, #electric cars, #electric rocket, #robots, #colonize, #planet, #power cord

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CEO: I want to be more visionary than Elon Musk. All he does is build spaceships and electric cars. I want you to build me an electric rocket ship full of robots that can colonize other worlds. Which planet should we do first? Dilbert: Depends how long the power cord is.