Plan Work Fast Comic Strips - Page 99

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View 981 - 990 results for plan work fast comic strips. Discover the best "Plan Work Fast" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #all, #coffee, #consumerism, #Dilbert, #killed, #michael, #microchip

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Dilbert gets sucked into his computer. Dilbert: You.. You're a microchip... Michael: I am. C'mon in and have some coffee. Dilbert: Chips drink coffee? Michael: Gallons. It keeps us fast. Dilbert: Doesn't that make you irritable with the other microchips? Michael: Not since I killed them all.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #dinner, #car, #drive, #woman, #shallow, #difference, #parking lot, #thump, #mighty, #chest

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Dilbert asks a woman, ". . . So, would you like to meet after work and go to dinner?" The woman asks, "What kind of car do you drive?" Dilbert says angrily, "Ugh! You women are all so shallow!! It should not make one bit of difference what kind of car I drive!!" The woman replies, "Except that it will help me find you in the parking lot . . . But you could just stand on top of it and thump your mighty chest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #deprogram, #control, #dogberts, #cult, #reflexively, #embraces, #ridiculous, #explanation, #dog's, #commands

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Dilbert says to Dawn and Bob the Dinosaurs, "I have a plan to deprogram you from the control of Dogbert's cult." Dilbert continues, "My theory is that the brain reflexively embraces the most ridiculous explanation of reality." Dilbert concludes, "So, we just have to think of something more ridiculous than following a dog's commands." Bob asks, "Like listening to you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #accounting, #engineer, #breathed, #air, #irreversible, #bad, #attitude, #part, #training, #bradley

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Dilbert says to a witch, "No! You can't force me to work in accounting! I'm an engineer!" The witch replies, "It's too late . . ." The witch explains, "You came . . . You breathed the air . . . The change is irreversible . . . Bradley will train you." Spikes grow out of Dilbert's back and he begins to turn into a troll. Dilbert says, "I'm starting to get a bad attitude about this job . . ." Bradley the Troll replies, "Good. I can skip that part of the training."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #reflect, #create, #erasing, #accounting, #budget, #bradley, #troll, #witch, #budget report

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The caption says, "Dilbert is forced to work in the accounting department." Dilbert has turned into a troll. Bradley the Troll says, "First you must understand how numbers change reality . . ." Bradley continues, "Some people think numbers merely REFLECT reality . . . But we believe that numbers CREATE reality." Bradley shows Dilbert a room where an overseer cracks a whip at several other trolls. Bradley says, "This our budget-erasing room . . ." The supervisor yells, "Erase faster!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #finances, #financial troll, #witch, #bradley, #budget report, #budget, #erasing

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Dilbert: Great... Not only am I being forced to work in the accounting department, but I'm slowly turning into a troll. Wait a minute... This is the budget for the accounting department itself... What happens if I erase it? Bradley: Boss!!? Boss!!? Witch: Help me! I'm melting! Aaagh!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #world, #pinecone, #fresh, #lemon, #scent, #planet, #Dogbert, #warm, #lightning

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The caption says, "For years Mother Nature had been dropping hints about the ozone problem." The earth and the moon are shown from a distance. Dilbert sprays an aerosol can of air freshener and says, "Aaah . . . Pinecone fresh lemon scent." A flash of lightning enters through the ceiling and shocks Dilbert. The caption says, "The direct approach would work no better." Dilbert's clothes are burned and clouds of smoke rise from his body. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Is it unseasonably warm today?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #mother nature, #earth, #planet, #recycle, #newspaper, #dolphins, #acid rain

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Dilbert: Please, mother nature, don't make me leave the earth!! Mother Nature: Don't talk back to me!! I work hard to give you a lovely planet, and look what you do to it! Dilbert: But... But I recycle newspapers! Mother Nature: Oh, well, excuse me. I guess the dolphins are safe, thanks to you. Dilbert: And I've noticed less acid rain since I started.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #absence, #mother, #nature, #absence dog, #cloned, #sick, #woman, #employee, #leave of absence

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Dilbert sits at his desk. A woman says, "Dilbert, I need to fill out an absence report for the days you missed work." Dilbert replies, "Well, Mother Nature got mad and had wild deer kill me. But my garbage man and my dog cloned me back to life." The woman says, "I'll put 'sick.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #rambling, #questions, #focus, #johnson, #fetch, #stick, #achieve, #sacrificing, #customer, #the boss

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and another employee sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, the staff meeting is over. Does anybody have any meaningless rambling questions? Johnson?" Johnson asks, "How can we work as a team to achieve total quality without sacrificing customer focus?" The Boss asks, "How many people would like to see me make Johnson fetch this stick?" Everyone raises their hands.