Stay At Job Comic Strips - Page 99
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1000 Results for Stay At Job
View 981 - 990 results for stay at job comic strips. Discover the best "Stay At Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday November 19,
2018
Sabotage The Plan
Tags #boss, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #plan, #sabatoge, #incompetent
Transcript
Dilbert: We know our boss's plan is a bad idea, but it's our job to execute anyway. Wally: Maybe we should try to sabotage the plan by being incompetent. Dilbert: Since when do you need a reason to be incompetent? Wally: It's more of a "nice but not necessary" situation.
Thursday November 22,
2018
Teach Employees To Code
Tags #boss, #computers, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #teaching, #smart
Transcript
Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.
Friday November 23,
2018
Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People
Tags #computers, #insults, #marketing, #office workers, #sales, #teaching, #smart
Transcript
Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?
Sunday December 23,
2018
Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games
Transcript
Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?
Tuesday January 22,
2019
Thankless Tasks
Tags #career, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #optimism
Transcript
Man: My career goal is to have a job with greater recognition, autonomy, and a sense of purpose. Boss: We'll miss you. Man: I was hoping to get that stuff here. Boss: We're more about thankless tasks.
Tuesday March 05,
2019
Asok's Employee Engagement
Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work, #attitude, #expectations
Transcript
Boss: Asok, your employee engagement has been a bit soft this quarter. I expect a higher level of irrational enthusiasm for the endless string of thankless tasks you call your job. Asok: How's this? Boss: I also want to see an unnatural preference for work over leisure.
Thursday March 14,
2019
Hiring Unethical Scientist
Tags #suspicious, #boss, #lawyer, #help, #search, #straightforward, #scientist, #bidding, #money
Transcript
Boss: We're looking for a scientist who can be easily influenced by money to back our product claims. Lawyer: I'm perfect for that job. I have no ethnical boundaries whatsoever. Boss: But you won't try to con us, right? Lawyer: You can't have it both ways.
Saturday March 16,
2019
Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise
Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #boss, #conscience, #rethink, #quit, #raise, #going along, #don't, #ruin
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't in good conscience support inaccurate health claims about our products. I quit. Boss: I'll give you 20% raise if you stay. Wally: I quit too, because of all the ethnics and stuffs. Dilbert: Don't ruin this for me.
Wednesday March 27,
2019
Detailed Explanation
Tags #business, #office, #office workers
Transcript
office worker: did my detailed explanation answer your question? wally: i started to lose consciousness about fifteen minutes into it, so I thought of other things while you talked, just to stay awake. office worker: i could start over. wally: go ahead. i'll be down the hall if you need me.
Thursday April 04,
2019
Asok In A Coma
Tags #business, #coffee, #office, #office workers, #coma, #dopamine
Transcript
dilbert running: ask appears to be in some kind of coma. what should we do? the boss: we see this a lot. his job is so boring that it caused his dopamine to crash. the boss: show him some funny car videos and give him a coffee i.v. dilbert: part of me doesn't want that to work.