Successful Man Comic Strips - Page 99

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View 981 - 990 results for successful man comic strips. Discover the best "Successful Man" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #legal advise, #economy, #pay

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Asok the intern says, "Pssst! I'm doing black market I.T. support to make up for my recent cut in pay." Man says, "Isn't this illegal?" Asok the intern, "Not according to my black market company lawyer." Alice says, "So it's legal to punch vendors?" Dogbert says, "Sure, if they deserve it." Dogbert says, "That's $100, please."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiations, #unfair, #greed, #money

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Dogbert the CEO man says, "The union will agree to deep cuts if you agree to work for one dollar per year." Dogbert says, "I agree, as long as I get my pay in advance and the mandatory retirement age is waived." Man says, "Fine." Dogbert says, "Call payroll and tell them to cut a check for my next ten billion years of service."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #hiring, #policy, #cruelty

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the boss says, "You're hired, but company policy requires me to post the job opening internally before it's official." Man says, "Are you saying your company policy requires you to lie to employees and give them false hope?" The boss says, "Exactly." Man says,. "That's cruel." The boss says, "In six months you'll wish you had some false hope too."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring, #interview, #strategy

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The boss says, "I'm hiring you because you're huge and scary." The boss says, "Our economic forecast calls for the emergence of warlords in 2010." The boss says, "Have you ever pillaged?" Man says, "No, I just go on fake interviews to scope out targets."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #future, #prediction, #bleak, #scary

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Company Economist Man says, "In 2010 the economy will collapse and the world will plunge into darkness." Man says, "You will all be eaten by cannibals who will, in turn, die from the diseases that riddle your bodies." The boss says, "Please never talk again." Man says, "I get that a lot lately."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #theory, #ridiculous, #avoiding, #economy

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Company Economist Man says, "The economy will either recover ot not." Man says, "Unless time itself is an illusion, in which case all matter is either stationary or imagined." Man says, "I'd take questions, but I'm not entirely sure you're real."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #telephone, #concern, #death, #mistake, #product, #medical

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Dilbert says, "My boss just told me that he changed my drawings for the smart phone before he sent them to you for prototyping." Dilbert says, "I was wondering if you're having any problems with it?" Man says, "The camera's a bit aggressive."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #employee, #graduate, #new, #avoiding, #useless, #business

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Man says, "I just got my MBA, and I'm here to solve all of your problems." Dilbert says, "Our products are junk and we're completely out of capital." Man says, "Have you tried jargon?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #bragging, #education, #ridiculous, #doubting, #annoyed

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Man says, "I have an MBA from a top business school." Man says, "I'm a management expert because I read case studies about businesses that were in completely different situations." Man says, "Wait a minute. Why does that suddenly seem ridiculous?" Dilbert says, "Will this take much longer?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #violence, #punching, #pain, #meeting, #angry, #economy, #business

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Alice says, "I hear you have an MBA, just like the jerks who ruined the economy." Alice says, "I'm going to punch you so hard that it hurts everyone who has the same degree." Dilbert says, "What as that hideous noise?" Man says, "Ow!!!!"