Too Many Smart People Comic Strips - Page 99

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #practical vehicle, #environement, #40 tons, #owls for fuel

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SALE The boss: "I'm looking for a practical vehicle that's also good for the environment." "I recommend the envirocrusher-4. It weights 40 tons and it uses owls for fuel." The Boss: "Where I would I get that many owls?" "The engine noise stuns them. You just them up off the ground."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo buzz, #hire a big name, #reputation, #toughness

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Dogbert's Executive Search Firm "You need to hire a big name CEO to get some buzz." "You want someone with a reputation for toughness, whoc kinows how toget the most out of people." "Come back later. I'm still getting the most out of this one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #don't sit by popel, #full flight, #suitcase, #overhead comaprtment, #bin, #scotch over

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"Your seat is next to mine, but I don't like to sit by people." "It's a full flight, so I don't see how I could...oh dear..." "No, I wll not 'scooch over.'" "News!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comapny, #sells defective prodcuts, #karma, #bed doodle, #wandered, #bad things, #they deserve it

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Dilbert: "Sometimes I feel guilty because my company sells defective products." DOgbert: "I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and I assume they deserve it." Dilbert: "By the way, where are we?" Dogbert: "I think we wandered into a bad doodle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project post mortem, #colossal ineptitude, #natural talents, #unfocused honest

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The boss: "The project post-mortem will only be helpful if each of you is honest about what went wrong." "Your colossal ineptitude as a leader suppressed our natural talents, leaving us listless and unfocused." "And by 'honest', I mean blaming people who aren't here." "Look! You're doing it again!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discount religin, #tithing 5%, #sin is in, #no time with joiners

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I decided to start a discount religion. "The tithing would only be 5% and I'd let people sin as much as they wanted." BOOK "The only problem is that I don't want to spend time with anyone who would join that sort of religion."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I heard that porpoises are smart, so I hired one." "Porpoises have been known to save humans by attacking sharks with their snouts." "He looks like our company lawyer, but more surprised."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Do you have the list of invitees for the debriefing meeting? "Here." "I like to blame people who won't be in the room." "Bad news for you: You're not on the list."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Wally, after I left the meeting yesterday, did you blame me for the failure of the project?" "I'm getting a bad vibe from people today. That sort of rumor could stain my reputation and ruin my entire future." "How dare you accuse me..." "Well, well. Look who's impeding Wally again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no meetings, #create work, #canceled them, #drop in

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"Carol, why don't I have any meetings today?" "Your meetings create work for me, so I canceled them." "Maybe I could drop in on some people." "Harpoon."