Two Faced Employee Comic Strips - Page 99
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1000 Results for Two Faced Employee
View 981 - 990 results for two faced employee comic strips. Discover the best "Two Faced Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday August 09,
2017
Contradicting Himself
Tags #surveillance, #managing, #proof, #body cam, #camera, #recording
Transcript
Dilbert: According to my employee body cam playback, you contradicted yourself eleven times today. Boss: Your stupid body cam is interfering with my ability to manage. Dilbert: By "manage," do you mean contradicting yourself and later denying it? Boss: I don't not mean that.
Monday August 28,
2017
Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks
Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification
Transcript
CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?
Tuesday August 29,
2017
Pat Yourself On The Head
Tags #reward, #prizes, #reimbursement, #expense report
Transcript
Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.
Saturday September 16,
2017
Reanimated Employee
Tags #soul, #death, #near death experience, #heaven, #hell, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: How did you end up with no soul? Randy: I died during surgery and my soul went to the afterlife before doctors reanimated my body. Dilbert: I thought the soul returns when that happens. Randy: You're thinking of heaven.
Thursday September 14,
2017
Emptiness And Pain
Tags #pain, #emptiness, #soul, #work ethic, #motivation
Transcript
Dilbert: This is Randy, our new employee who has no soul. Tina: Wow. What's it like to have no soul? Randy: I feel only emptiness and pain. Tina: I hope you didn't take this job to get away from emptiness and pain. Randy: No, I just wanted to get paid for it.
Saturday September 23,
2017
Dilbert Is A Lover Not A Fighter
Thursday September 21,
2017
Lots Of Things Happening Behind The Scenes
Tags #human resources, #results, #confidentiality, #progress, #business
Transcript
Tina: I complained about my boss two months ago. Has Human Resources done anything about it? Catbert: Lots of confidential things are happening behind the scenes. Tina: For example? Catbert: For example, we talked about how much of a whiner you are.
Tuesday October 03,
2017
Dogbert The Pr Specialist
Tags #public relations, #image, #likeability, #pr, #deception
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert the public relations specialist. Dogbert: The public hates you for all the right reasons. I'll repair your public image by photographing you serving meals in a homeless shelter. CEO: Is the public really that dumb? Dogbert: Yup. I'll have you out of there in two scoops and a click.
Sunday November 05,
2017
Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices
Transcript
Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?
Wednesday November 15,
2017
Wally's Watch Is A Snitch
Tags #wearable tech, #health, #surveillance, #fitbit, #monitor, #fitness, #attendance
Transcript
Wally: I can't come to work today. I'm totally sick. Boss: According to your employee health monitor, you're not sick at all. Wally: Stupid snitch!!!