Two Faced Employee Comic Strips - Page 99
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1000 Results for Two Faced Employee
View 981 - 990 results for two faced employee comic strips. Discover the best "Two Faced Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 05,
2017
Immersive Vr Is Immortal
Tags #virtual reality, #vr, #mortality, #immortal, #human, #ai, #artificial intelligence
Transcript
Narrator: Kevin, the immersive VR employee. Dilbert: I have to keep reminding myself that you don't really exist. Kevin: I have to keep reminding myself that your organic personality was long ago replaced with prescription medications. Dilbert: At least I'm real! Kevin: At least I'm immortal. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
Thursday July 06,
2017
Asok Can't Take Immersive Vr Seat
Tags #virtual reality, #vr, #reality, #physical, #illusion
Transcript
Boss: That seat is taken by Kevin, our new immersive VR employee. Asok: But... I'm a physical person. Boss: Did you just insult Kevin's corporeal identity? Asok: I don't see how that's a problem. Kevin: I can't work in this hostile environment.
Friday July 07,
2017
Attending A Meeting For Kevin
Tags #virtual reality, #sexual harrassment, #real, #fantasy, #imagination
Transcript
Boss: Can you attend a meeting for Kevin, our new immersive VR employee? Dilbert: Why can't Kevin do it? Boss: Alice needed him for something. Alice: Good. Now do it again, but without your shirt. Kevin: I'm not comfortable with this.
Monday August 07,
2017
Dilbert Is Wearing A Body Cam
Tags #lying, #body cam, #surveillance
Transcript
Boss: Don't give that data to Marketing yet. Dilbert: That is the direct opposite of what you told me yesterday. Boss: I am totally sure I never said anything like that yesterday. You weren't wearing a wire, were you? Dilbert: It's called an employee body cam. Narrator: Continued...
Tuesday August 08,
2017
Accidental Deletion
Tags #surveillance, #coverup, #body cam, #denial, #deception, #proof
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm glad I started wearing an employee body cam. Here's a video of you yesterday, saying the opposite of what you told me today. Boss: Oops! I accidentally deleted it. Dilbert: Luckily, I have seven hundred backups.
Wednesday August 09,
2017
Contradicting Himself
Tags #surveillance, #managing, #proof, #body cam, #camera, #recording
Transcript
Dilbert: According to my employee body cam playback, you contradicted yourself eleven times today. Boss: Your stupid body cam is interfering with my ability to manage. Dilbert: By "manage," do you mean contradicting yourself and later denying it? Boss: I don't not mean that.
Monday August 28,
2017
Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks
Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification
Transcript
CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?
Tuesday August 29,
2017
Pat Yourself On The Head
Tags #reward, #prizes, #reimbursement, #expense report
Transcript
Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.
Saturday September 16,
2017
Reanimated Employee
Tags #soul, #death, #near death experience, #heaven, #hell, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: How did you end up with no soul? Randy: I died during surgery and my soul went to the afterlife before doctors reanimated my body. Dilbert: I thought the soul returns when that happens. Randy: You're thinking of heaven.
Thursday September 14,
2017
Emptiness And Pain
Tags #pain, #emptiness, #soul, #work ethic, #motivation
Transcript
Dilbert: This is Randy, our new employee who has no soul. Tina: Wow. What's it like to have no soul? Randy: I feel only emptiness and pain. Tina: I hope you didn't take this job to get away from emptiness and pain. Randy: No, I just wanted to get paid for it.