Water Into Fuel Comic Strips - Page 99

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Water Into Fuel

View 981 - 990 results for water into fuel comic strips. Discover the best "Water Into Fuel" comics from Dilbert.com.

Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #reputation, #infamy

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I accidentally talked the board into buying a company that has a tainted reputation. Catbert: How bad is the taint? CEO: Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks. Catbert: That isn't so bad. CEO: I'm just getting started. Now imagine I make you eat those socks...

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bureaucracy, #paperwork, #form, #request, #convoluted

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need a capital allocation form. Man: Do you have a form to request that form? Dilbert; I need a form to get a form? Man: That's how we keep track of the forms. Dilbert: Okay, give me a form to request a form. Man: Those are online. Dilbert: Where online? Man: I don't know. I only do paper forms. Dilbert: Who can I ask? Man: Don't drag me into this. Dilbert: I demand to talk to your boss. Man: I hope you brought a boss request form.

Exploding Phones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Exploding Phones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bomb, #cell phone, #samsung, #fire, #explosion, #competition, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're getting bad press because the batteries in our new line of mobile phones keep exploding. Boss: Load them into a big truck and park it in front of our competitor's building. Dilbert: Technically, that would be domestic terrorism. Boss: There are way too many laws.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jargon, #speech, #words, #nonsense, #training, #trainee, #strategy, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, I want you to train our new hire. Wally: The first thing you need to know is that we never use the DPX system when the MGB is down. Man: The... what and the what? Wally: Hold your questions till the end. You can use our PX4 to tunnel into the B9 data and produce at TMNP report. But you'll need authorization from the LDG and the MICOO. Man: I don't understand any of that! Wally: I toldy you to hold your questions until the end. Always remember to jost the primpram whenever the gip is fleeming toward kilp. Man: Maybe I should ask someone else to train me. Wally: Now we're making progress.

Boss Needs One Minute

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Needs One Minute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attention, #developer, #distraction, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you have a minute? Dilbert: Yes. But I don't have the fifteen minutes it will take me to get back into the coding "zone" after your interruption. Boss: I only need one minute. Dilbert: What planet are you from?

It Sounded Like Feng Shui

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
It Sounded Like Feng Shui - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #obliviousness, #distraction, #attention

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why haven't you finished writing the software? Dilbert: Because each of your interruptions took me out of the zone and turned a simple task into a nightmare. Catbert: What did he mean by that? Boss: It sounded like some sort of feng shui.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #scope, #negotiating, #engineer, #demands, #failure, #stress, #business, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #chair, #conversation, #meeting, #robot, #sue, #table, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We replaced our company lawyer with a robot. Boss: It already rewrote all of our contracts into gibberish. Dilbert: Do we want that? Boss: I tried to ask, but it threatened to sue me.

Estimating Software Completion

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Estimating Software Completion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #estimate, #deadline, #questioning, #delay, #prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When will the next version of the software be done? Dilbert: That's like asking me to estimate how long it takes a salamander to evolve into a horse. Boss: So... what should I tell our CEO? Dilbert: Try the salamander analogy. It worked on you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wages, #salary, #secret, #anger, #compensation, #money, #unfair

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: You left a speadsheet with everyone salary in the copier. Boss: Oops. Catbert: By now, every employee has seen it. Boss: Should I be worried that it will lower morale? Catbert: No, I wouldn't worry about that. I would worry about heads exploding when they find out Wally has the highest pay in the department. Noise: Pow!!! Catbert: It's going to be a long week. Boss: Would you mind kicking that angry eyeball into the trash?