Woman Asks Comic Strips - Page 99
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Share July 02, 1989's comic on:
The telephone rings. Dilbert picks up the phone and says, "Hello." The voice on the other end says, "This is the governor . . ." The governor says, "Do you remember that snotty letter you wrote about prison overcrowding? We thought YOU might want to look after one of our guys for thiry or forty years." The doorbell rings. A large man in a prison uniform says, "Hi. I'm Bob. My friends would call me 'Strangler' if they were alive." Bob carries a suitcase into the house and asks, "So, where do you keep the blunt objects? Sure is crowded in here." Dilbert clenches his fist and says, "Ooh! I am so tempted to fire off another letter over this!!" Dogbert says, "Yeah! 'Postage due' this time!"
Share July 09, 1989's comic on:
Two aliens who look like cows travel toward earth in a spaceship. Dilbert sits at his desk. The doorbell rings. Dogbert says, "I'll get the door." Dogbert opens the door and sees the two aliens. One of the aliens says, "Greetings, earthling. We are an advanced race from the planet Moothron." The alien continues, "We came to share our secrets for ending hunger, poverty and disease." Dogbert asks, "What's in it for me?" The aliens look at each other. The aliens get in their spaceship and fly away. Dogbert sits on the hassock and says, "I'll always wonder if there was a better way to handle that."
Share July 16, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert walks into the room and says, "It's contract renewal time." Dilbert asks, "What contract?" Dogbert replies, "The owner/pet contract; ours expires at midnight." Dilbert says, "Gosh. I don't even remember signing the original one." Dilbert reads the contract and says, "Let's see . . . 'The pet's responsibility is to obey the owner's commands, no matter how humiliating.'" Dilbert reads, "'The owner's responsibilities include yelling at the pet and acting important.'" Dilbert says, "Okay, I'll si. . . Wait a minute . . . My name is typed in under 'PET'!!" Dogbert thinks, "So close . . ."
Share July 30, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert looks into a huge microscope and says, "My goodness! It looks like I've discovered an entire subatomic civilization!" A microscopic organism says, "Hey! What are you staring at?!!" Dilbert says, "I am Dilbert. I mean you no harm." The organism says, "You're looking at the incredibly tiny planet of 'Minimus 6.'" Dilbert asks, "Minimus 6? That means there are five other planets like yours!" Dilbert says, "Let me get you focused a bit better . . ." Dilbert crunches the sample. Dilbert sits on the front steps with his head in his hands. Dogbert says, "And I loved the part when you said, 'I mean you no harm.'"
Share August 13, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert stands outside his lab. He tells Dogbert, "Well, Dogbert, I believe I have solved the world's garbage problem." Dogbert says, "I didn't know garbage had any problems." Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the stairs to the lab. Dilbert says, "I've invented the most efficient trash compactor ever." Dilbert kneels in front of a device and says, "This baby can squash two tons of garbage into a little brick!" Dogbert says, "No doubt you've considered the valuable uses for the brick itself." Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . Right . . . For home construction?" Dogbert says, "Or just as an immovable object that smells like Sylvester Stallone's socks."
Share August 20, 1989's comic on:
Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table. The doorbell rings. Dilbert opens the door and a bear says, "Hi. I'm the bear skin rug you ordered by mail." The bear enters the house and says, "I'm a kit. You just have to kill me, rip my guts out and leave me to dry." Dilbert looks shocked. Dilbert covers his eyes and says, "Egad! I couldn't possibly do that. Please . . . Just go." The bear says, "You'll receive a full refund, of course." Dilbert says, "No, no! Please keep it." The bear, who is really a man in a bear suit, walks into the rug store. A man at a desk asks, "How were sales today?" The man in the suit replies, "Great! Sold myself seven times."
Share September 10, 1989's comic on:
Dogbert sits at the table reading a book. Dilbert says, "You've been reading that World Almanac for hours." Dogbert replies, "I'm looking for nations I can conquer on a limited budget." Dogbert says, "Here's one: 'Andorra. 185 square miles. Only 56,000 people. Joint rule by France and Spain . . .'" Dogbert says, "Hmm . . . 'King Dogbert of Andorra' has a nice ring to it. Now I just need some mercenaries." Dilbert asks, "How are you going to pay for mercenaries?" Dogbert replies, "I'll float some junk bonds until we can loot the treasury of Andorra." Dilbert says, "It strikes me as a bit unethical." Dogbert says, "Apparently I'll have to imprison some dissidents."
Share September 17, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert is scuba diving under the ocean. He photographs a whale and a squid. Dilbert thinks, "Wow! These pictures will prove that whales try to communicate with squids!" Back at home, Dilbert says, "Dogbert, guess who I saw talking to a squid." Dogbert asks, "Who?" Dilbert replies, "I have prints of whales." Dogbert thinks, "The Prince of Wales?" Dilbert says, "It's too bad I'm so modest. This discovery could make me famous." Dogbert thinks, "The public must be told." Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. A television newscaster says, ". . . And in the news, a local man has witnessed Prince Charles talking to a squid." Dogbert says, "Maybe Chuck thought it was Margaret Thatcher."
Share September 24, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert shows Dogbert a device that looks like a handle. He says, "This is my newest invention: the deodorant spray booster pack!" Dilbert explains, "You connect it to any can of deodorant to boost the rate of output." Dogbert asks, "Why?" Dilbert replies, "Why?! . . . Do you know how much time is wasted waiting for the spray to hit your armpit?" Dilbert activates the device and it blows him through the wall. Dilbert lies on his back in the backyard. He says, "As my best friend, I'm sure you can contain any sarcastic references to deodorant until my bones mend." Dogbert replies, "No sweat."
Share October 08, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert taps on the doorstep with a spade. He tells Dogbert, "My new security system is now installed." Dogbert asks, "How's it work?" Dilbert explains, "I buried a giant spring under the welcome mat to catapult any undesirables into the Wilsey's pool three blocks from here." Dilbert continues, "You just tap that little button on the floor there . . ." The caption says, "Time stands still as Dogbert ponders the gift that fate has given him." Dogbert stares at the launch button while Dilbert stands on the welcome mat. Dogbert reaches for the button and says, "I'm pretty sure the look on his face will be worth whatever minor guilt I feel over this."