Search Results for "counselor"
Share August 18, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says, "Marriage Counselor." A man and a woman sit across from him. Dogbert continues, "I recommend massive plastic surgery for both of you . . . And your personalities are bad, too; pretend to be other people." The man or the woman asks, "Should we try to communicate more?" Dogbert replies, "No, that's just begging for trouble."
Share October 14, 1995's comic on:
An employee sits in Catbert's office. The man says, "My job is too stressful. Can I see a company counselor?" As he plays with the ball of string on his desk, Catbert replies, "I re-engineered our counseling process. Now we put you in a big hole and cover you with sand." The man stands in the hole while Catbert kicks sand onto him. The employee says, "If this is my only benefit I'd better get a LOT of sand!" Catbert says, "Just keep your mouth open."
Share May 08, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert sits on the bed watching Dilbert tie his tie. Dogbert says, "I'm going to try my paw at being a career counselor." Dogbert continues, "Insecure people will seek my advice and I'll tell them to be more self-reliant." Dilbert says, "That sounds lazy and unhelpful." Dogbert asks, "Would you want career advice from somebody who has to work hard?"
Share July 09, 2001's comic on:
Alice sits looking frazzled as the Boss says, "You're understaffed and overworked." Two people appear behind the Boss as he continues, "So I hired a stress counselor and another manager to glare at you." The stress counselor massages the Boss' back and says, "Relax...Deep breaths...There..." The manager stands over Alice glaring at her.
Share May 11, 2006's comic on:
Career Counselor Woman: And why did you leave your last job? Dilbert: My dog was tired of hearing me whine about my job, so he became a billionaire and bought my company and fired me. Woman: I don't have a checkbox for that so I'll just write in "loser".
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Share June 29, 2007's comic on:
Dogbert, career counselor DOgbert: "You have no marketable talent." "You're totally unemployable and that's not going to change." "The important thing is to keep a positive attitude."
Share June 30, 2007's comic on:
Dogbert, career counselor "What would you like to do with your degree in...flower arranging?" "I'd like to be a billionaire." "Are you willing to work hard?" "That would sort of defeat the purpose."
Share August 19, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits in a chair across from a man and a woman. Dogbert says, "I'd like to try some visualization exercises." Dogbert continues, "Imagine the two of you watching a beautiful sunset, you're on a cliff overlooking the ocean . . ." The man closes his eyes, holds out his arms, smiles, and thinks, "Shove." Dogbert says, "Bob, try not to get ahead of me."
Share August 20, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits in a chair holding a pen and a pad of paper. Dogbert listens as a patient says, "We have a running fight over how to squeeze the tube of toothpaste." A man who is sitting next to a woman who looks like a pig says, "I like to squeeze it from the bottom. She prefers to empty the tube on the rug and roll around in it." Dogbert asks, "At night, does she 'hog' the blankets and snort?" The man replies, "Wow, it's like you know her."