Being Competetive Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

506 Results for Being Competetive

View 1 - 10 results for being competetive comic strips. Discover the best "Being Competetive" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #making personal calls, #stealing, #fist of death, #eighty cents, #talk to family, #bill for overtime, #being competetive, #office supplies

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits at her desk. The Boss enters and says, "According to this phone bill, you've been making personal calls." The Boss continues, "That's like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice clenches her teeth, holds her fist and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." Alice looks at the telephone bill and says, "I only spent eighty cents to tell my family I was working late." Alice says, "Here's a dollar. The extra twenty cents is for the personal thought that I'm about to have on company time." Alice closes her eyes and imagines the Boss tied up with rope. She pictures handing him a stick of dynamite. Alice says, "And here's my bill for $40,000 in unpaid overtime that the company stole from me." The Boss replies, "That's not stealing; that's being competitive." Alice says, "I think I'll be competitive with a few bushels of office supplies later today."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #secretaries (office), #work ethic, #filling in for boss, #workstation vacation, #being in charge, #pverarted, #martini glass, #drinking, #umbrella in drink, #secretary, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "I'm filling in for your boss this week, and I need twenty copies." Carol says, "That's not how it works. When he's out of the office I take a workstation vacation." Alice says, "I don't like being in charge." Carol says, "I hear it's overrated."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #test phase, #meeting, #desk, #production phase, #being smart, #good feeling, #confident, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert:you scheduled the end of the test phase after the start of the production phase. we're feeling confident. Dilbert: ist too bad that being smart doesn't come with some sort of good feeling like that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #meetings, #Dogbert, #consulting, #facebook, #china, #irrelevant, #breakout groups, #fantasize, #being relevant

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert Consults Dogbert: "Where does your company fit on this comprehensive list?" Facebook, China, Irrelevant Dogbert says, "Now let's form breakout groups to fantasize about being relevant."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lawyers & attorneys, #legal advice, #chain reaction, #future visionary leader not being born, #maintenance agreement, #stabbing gandhi

View Transcript

Transcript

Company Lawyer Dilbert says, "I need your legal advice." Lawyer says, "There's a risk that this could cause a chain reaction that results in a future visionary leader not being born." Dilbert says, "It's just a maintenance agreement." Lawyer says, "It's like stabbing Gandhi."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gloating, #meetings, #idea, #rejected idea, #being impractical, #take credit, #noticing, #implied your a moron, #appreciated

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker says, "I thought of your idea a year ago and rejected it for being impractical." Dilbert says, "Did you just take credit for my idea and diss it at the same time?" Coworker says, "Thanks for noticing." The Boss says, "He also cleverly implied that you're a moron." Coworker says, "It feels good to be appreciated!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #inefficiencies, #kaizen team, #soultions, #busy, #being ineffcient, #ignorance, #aggressive type of objectivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I noticed some inefficiencies in another department, so I formed a Kaizen team to find solutions. I asked some of the peopl in that department to be on the team, but they were busy being inefficient. With any luck, my ignorance of their function will be seen as an aggressive type of objectivity.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #quarreling, #mastered art, #being useless, #next level, #toxic, #toxic people, #complain, #personal problems

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being freightened, #creepy vibe, #leadership, #obsolete, #public speaking, #sense of urgency, #thread the needle, #tech platforms

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: You need to imbue your staff with a sense of urgency. Boss: Gaaa!!! Our technology platforms are obsolete! Dogbert: Try it again with less panic. Boss: We're doomed, and yet, I am not the least bit worried. Dogbert: That one had a creepy vibe. A sense of urgency is halfway between being too frightened to act and too dumb to know what to do. Boss: Gaaa!!! Duh!!! Dogbert: You didn't quite thread the needle. Boss: Here comes leadership!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.