Cash Equivalent Comic Strips
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The boss holds a cup and says, "Every emplyee gets a lovely mug with our new motto, "I mad a differernce:=." Dilbert sits between Alice and Wally and says, "Question: May I have the cash equivalent of the mug instead?" The boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "May I have a mug that says, "I didn't make a differance"?"
Alice is walking outside, she approaches The Garbageman and asks, "Would it be wrong to marry a man for his homemaking skills?" The Garbageman replies, "Do a present-value cash-flow comparison of marriage versus the equivalent service from trained monkeys." Bobby is sobbing. Alice consoles him, "It's not you.. it's me... and a world wide oversupply of monkeys."
Tina says, "My best friend from college keeps bugging me to visit her. The flight will cost a small fortune." Dilbert says, "Try offering her a cash payment of half the estimated cost of the trip if she agrees to stop inviting you." Tina says, "You don't have any friends, do you?" Dilbert says, "I hear they're expensive."
Dilbert sits on an examining table in a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Normally I'd give you six months to live." The physician continues, "But we're having a '50% off sale' today, so I'll give you a full year for the same price." Dilbert lies back on the table. The doctor says, "And you get an extra ten days if you pay cash!"
Dogbert sits behind a cash register and says to a customer, "Welcome to Dogbert's New Age Mineral Water Spa . . . Hand over the cash." Dogbert says, "Hold it . . . The vibes from my crystal tell me we knew each other in a previous life . . . In ATLANTIS!" A man says, "That's what you told the last guy, too." Dogbert replies, "Atlantis was a small town. I ran the only donut shop."
Dogbert walks away from the mailbox holding a letter. He says, "Ha ha ha! My scheme to conquer earth is right on track!" Dilbert sits at a desk working on a device. Dogbert enters the room and announces, "I've been approved for a Macy's credit card!" Dogbert says, "I'll use this credit history to apply for Visa and Mastercard." Dogbert continues, "Soon I'll have credit cards from every bank in the world." Dogbert continues, "Then I'll do a cash advance on every card, netting billions to form a worldwide lottery prize." Dogbert continues, "And everybody who supports me as supreme ruler of earth gets one free lottery ticket." Dilbert says, "You know, most dogs would be delighted just to get a nice chew-toy."
Dilbert carries a monitor. A man says, "Hey, that's a union job. Put it down or I'll file a grievance." Dilbert says, "I'm only moving it ten feet. If I wait for a union person, I'll be unable to do my job for a week." The man says, "Watch me not care." Dilbert wears a hooded black suit and holds a grappling hook. Dogbert says, "If anyone sees you move the PC tonight, try saying you're Johnny Cash." Dilbert says, "Maybe I should just use the elevator."
The Boss tells Dilbert, "It's time for your annual performance review." The Boss continues, "The process is the same as usual." The Boss continues, "Make your accomplishments fit the trendy categories on this form." Dilbert reads, "'1. Estimate the cash value of the empowerment you displayed this year. Cite examples.'" The Boss says, "Try to make your accomplishments match the raise I've already decided for you." Dilbert asks, "Why don't you just tell me what you've decided?" The Boss responds, "What - and ruin the motivational value of the process??" The Boss thinks as he walks away, "How did I get stuck with all the cynical employees?"
The Boss peers into Dilbert's cubicle and thinks, "It's time to delegate." The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to give me a new cash flow estimate for your project." Dilbert replies, "Okay, fine." The Boss asks, "When will I get it?" Dilbert asks, "When do you need it?" The Boss says, "As soon as possible!" Dilbert says, "Okay." The Boss asks, "When do you think that will be?" Dilbert turns and says, "I usually wait a few days to see if you change your mind." Dilbert continues, "Then I'll give you last year's cash flow as a test to see if you read it." The Boss leaves the cubicle and thinks, "The more experience they get, the worse they are."