Generous Severence Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

18 Results for Generous Severence

View 1 - 10 results for generous severence comic strips. Discover the best "Generous Severence" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eye contact, unpackageable, generous severence, volunteers, retired bliss, cruel twist fate, keep job, organic vessel, self pity, fishing, Sports

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok and Dilbert are walking down the hall. Dilbert warns, "Uh-oh... don't make eye contact with that guy." Asok asks, "Why not?" Dilbert explains, "Ernie is unpackageable." Dilbert continues, "Last year, the company offered a generous severance package to people who volunteered to leave." Dilbert continues, "Ernie volunteered. He imagined a life of retired bliss outside this company." Dilbert continues, "But too many people volunteered. In a cruel twist of fate, Ernie was forced to keep his job." Dilbert continues, "Now he's nothing but an organic vessel for transporting self- pity." Ernie runs up to Asok and Dilbert and cries, "I could have been fishing!!! Waaa!!!" Alice, Asok, and Dilbert are sitting together. Asok's hair is standing straight up and he still has a panicked expression on his face. Alice asks, "You looked?" Dilbert responds, "I tried to warn him."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, wearing, undewear, fired, company, layoff, plan, generous, leave, freedom, local, management, dealing

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Wally, "Uh . . . Wally, you're wearing only underwear at work." Wally says, "I'm trying to get fired." Wally explains as the Boss approaches, "The company layoff plan is very generous. I'll get a big pile of money if they ask me to leave." Wally puts his boxer shorts on the Boss's head and says, "This has given me a degree of freedom in dealing with local management."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, reject, generous, company, hostile takeover, formidable, adversary, lawyers, clothes off

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to two attorneys, "I've decided to reject your generous offer to buy the company." Dilbert continues, "And if you try to make this a hostile takeover you will find me to be a formidable adversary." Dilbert arrives at home with his clothes ripped to shreads. Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . Then their lawyers chewed my clothes off."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags association, generous controbution, get elected, prison, cover tracks, wrecks chances, briber of month

View Transcript

Transcript

A man hands a briefcase to Dogbert and says, "I'm from the Association For Products That Are Bad For You. Here's a generous contribution to your campaign." Dogbert opens the briefcase and says, "This is so cool! I'll use your money to get elected, then I'll put your entire industry in prison to cover my tracks!" The man drives his car and thinks, "This probably wrecks my chances of being named Briber of the Month."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags downsized artbert, generous retirement plan, employment, calendar, when done

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Ratbert, "You're being downsized, Ratbert. Fortunately, there's a generous retirement plan." The Boss continues, "Let's see . . . For your length of employment, at your grade level . . . You will get a wall calendar." Ratbert asks, "When do I get it?" The Boss says as he walks away, "As soon as I'm done with it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags buiness stragey, list, past years, no afraid of change, deserve bonus, generous, good looking, rhetorical question

View Transcript

Transcript

Our new business strategy is... "Hold on." "I made a list of all of our strategies for the past five years." "There have been seventeen of them." "What does that tell us?" "That I'm not afraid of change." "And that I've been working hard and I deserve a huge bonus." "And that I'm kind and generous and good looking." "You have to give him credit. The man knows how to answer a rhetorical question."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ex ceo, executives, generous, negotiated, severance package, wages, robotic flea, giant flea, money

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Our es-CEO negotiated an unusually generous severance package. We had to build a giant robotic flea to suck the assets out of the company. The weird part is that it seemed reasonable at the time.

Alice Compliments Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Compliments Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, comparison, project, job, great, dread, foreboding, generous, trap, lull, sabotage, career, monster

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: you did a great job on your project ted. ted: thank you. alice: you are most welcome. ted: wait. why do i have a sense of dread and foreboding? it isn't like you to give out generous compliments. this feels like a trap. you're lulling me into a false sense of security. you plan to sabotage my career to make yourself look better by comparison. ted yelling: you monster! boss: what's this all about? alice thinking: that worked out.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dogbert, consultant, suffering, pain, severance pay

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I need an outside consultant like you to help with layoffs." The Boss continues, "My main concern is to minimize the pain and hardship that goes with this." Dogbert asks, "With generous severance pay?" The Boss replies, "No, I think that would only make my pain and suffering worse."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dress codes don't apply, fireing, hire back, more money, reverence package, telecommute, two weeks vaction

View Transcript

Transcript

"Great news -- You're fired!" "You get a generous severance package, two weeks' vacation, AND we hire you back as a contractor for more money!!" "And I can telecommute if I want, but since dress codes don't apply to me..." "Aargh!" "Bonk, Bonk"