Hit Man Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Hit Man
View 1 - 10 results for hit man comic strips. Discover the best "Hit Man" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 25,
1992
Tags Dilbert, looking, hit, man, eliminate, inventor, million, dollars, deliver, head, platter, tupperware, lettuce, crispers, loses, drama
Transcript
Dogbert sits across from a man behind a desk. Dogbert says, "I heard you're looking for a hit man to eliminate an inventor named Dilbert." Dogbert continues, "For a million dollars I can deliver his head on a platter." The man asks, "Does it have to be on a platter?" Dogbert replies, "I've tried using those Tupperware lettuce crispers, but it loses a lot of the drama."
Saturday September 26,
1992
Tags Dogbert, photo, proof, completed, hit-man, contract, Dilbert, sitting, lifeless, stuffed, chair, looks, watching, technically, kill, prove, life
Transcript
Dogbert hands a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "Here is photo proof that I completed my hit-man contract on Dilbert." The man replies, "Excellent." Dogbert says, "Here he is, sitting lifeless in his stuffed chair." The man looks at the picture and says, "It looks like he's just watching television." Dogbert says, "Technically, my contract doesn't say I must kill him. It says I must 'prove he has no life.'"
Friday February 11,
1994
Tags Dogbert, hit man for mob, get away with murder, cute, self complimentary, conversation
Transcript
Dogbert: "Have you ever noticed how incredibly cute I am?" "Look at this little black nose, soft furry ears, adorable little tail...with these looks I could get away with murder." "I'm thinking of becoming a hit man for the mob." Dilbert: "I'm glad we have these little talks."
Saturday October 22,
2005
Tags hit man, killed, cover tracks, endless cycle, all free
Transcript
"The trouble with hiring a hit man is that you have to have him killed to cover your tracks." "Then you need a hit man to hit the guy who killed the hit man. It's an endless cycle!" "But ultimately, it's all free, right?"
Saturday January 31,
2015
Too Much Exposition
Tags dolphin, exposition, hit man, murder for hire, stories, storytelling, ceo, russian dolphin, militray, smartphone, stolen, mansion
Transcript
Dilbert: Our CEO Bought a Russian military dolphin for his daughter's pool party and it killed a party clown. Then it stole a smartphone and hired Dogbert to put a hit on the CEO so the dolphin... Garbage Man: That's way too much exposition. Dilbert: ...fill the CEO's mansion with water and live in it forever.
Thursday December 15,
2016
Asok Has Worst Job In The World
Tags hit man, job, happiness, satisfaction, doppelganger, double, lookalike, business, psychology
Transcript
Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.
Friday July 20,
2018
Elbonians Call Off The Hit
Friday January 30,
2015
Dogbert Disposes Bodies
Tags dolphin, exotic pets, hit man, murder, murder for hire, russian military, killed clown, dead bodies, disposal, expert
Transcript
CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.
Monday December 12,
2016
Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real
Tags engineers, sociopath, pathology, hit man, murder, killing, morals, emotions
Transcript
CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.
Tuesday December 13,
2016
Asok Agrees To Be Hit Man
Tags social media, twitter, public speaking, embarrassment, spokesperson, killing, racism, assumption, technology
Transcript
Boss: Our company spokesperson embarrassed us on social media. Does this qualify him for an "honor killing?" Asok: No, and you're a racist. Boss: Here's what he said on social media. Asok: Okay, I'm in.