Hit Man Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Hit Man

View 1 - 10 results for hit man comic strips. Discover the best "Hit Man" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #looking, #hit, #man, #eliminate, #inventor, #million, #dollars, #deliver, #head, #platter, #tupperware, #lettuce, #crispers, #loses, #drama

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits across from a man behind a desk. Dogbert says, "I heard you're looking for a hit man to eliminate an inventor named Dilbert." Dogbert continues, "For a million dollars I can deliver his head on a platter." The man asks, "Does it have to be on a platter?" Dogbert replies, "I've tried using those Tupperware lettuce crispers, but it loses a lot of the drama."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #photo, #proof, #completed, #hit-man, #contract, #Dilbert, #sitting, #lifeless, #stuffed, #chair, #looks, #watching, #technically, #kill, #prove, #life

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert hands a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "Here is photo proof that I completed my hit-man contract on Dilbert." The man replies, "Excellent." Dogbert says, "Here he is, sitting lifeless in his stuffed chair." The man looks at the picture and says, "It looks like he's just watching television." Dogbert says, "Technically, my contract doesn't say I must kill him. It says I must 'prove he has no life.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #hit man for mob, #get away with murder, #cute, #self complimentary, #conversation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "Have you ever noticed how incredibly cute I am?" "Look at this little black nose, soft furry ears, adorable little tail...with these looks I could get away with murder." "I'm thinking of becoming a hit man for the mob." Dilbert: "I'm glad we have these little talks."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hit man, #killed, #cover tracks, #endless cycle, #all free

View Transcript

Transcript

"The trouble with hiring a hit man is that you have to have him killed to cover your tracks." "Then you need a hit man to hit the guy who killed the hit man. It's an endless cycle!" "But ultimately, it's all free, right?"

Too Much Exposition

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Too Much Exposition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dolphin, #exposition, #hit man, #murder for hire, #stories, #storytelling, #ceo, #russian dolphin, #militray, #smartphone, #stolen, #mansion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our CEO Bought a Russian military dolphin for his daughter's pool party and it killed a party clown. Then it stole a smartphone and hired Dogbert to put a hit on the CEO so the dolphin... Garbage Man: That's way too much exposition. Dilbert: ...fill the CEO's mansion with water and live in it forever.

Asok Has Worst Job In The World

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Has Worst Job In The World - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hit man, #job, #happiness, #satisfaction, #doppelganger, #double, #lookalike, #business, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.

Elbonians Call Off The Hit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonians Call Off The Hit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #hit man, #murder, #torture

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Elbonia called off its plan to kill you for your culturally offensive sales video. They decided it was more cruel to keep you alive and working here. Dilbert: They're monsters! Boss: Get back in your cubicle.

Dogbert Disposes Bodies

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Disposes Bodies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dolphin, #exotic pets, #hit man, #murder, #murder for hire, #russian military, #killed clown, #dead bodies, #disposal, #expert

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.

Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #sociopath, #pathology, #hit man, #murder, #killing, #morals, #emotions

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.

Asok Agrees To Be Hit Man

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Agrees To Be Hit Man - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #twitter, #public speaking, #embarrassment, #spokesperson, #killing, #racism, #assumption, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our company spokesperson embarrassed us on social media. Does this qualify him for an "honor killing?" Asok: No, and you're a racist. Boss: Here's what he said on social media. Asok: Okay, I'm in.