Not Near My House Comic Strips
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238 Results for Not Near My House
View 1 - 10 results for not near my house comic strips. Discover the best "Not Near My House" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday February 18,
2002
Tags chosen to design, worlds safest nuclear plant, great assignment, safe, not near my house
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, you have been chosen to design the world's safest nuclear power plant." Dilbert replies, "This is the greatest assignment that any engineer could hope for. I'm flattered by the trust you have in me." The Boss responds, "By 'safe' I mean 'not near my house.'"
Friday October 30,
1998
Tags dogcart the consultant, invisible robot, empty box, train support staff, customers house, sensors
Transcript
Caption: "Dogbert the consultant" Dogbert stands on a conference table. Dogbert says, "Some customers might complain that the invisible robot they bought from us.." Dogbert says, to Wally and Dilbert, "...is nothing but an empty box.. I will train our support staff to handle those calls." Caption: "Customer's House" A customer talks on the phone in his living room, near an empty cardboard box. He is terrified. The voice on the other end of the phone says, "According to our sensors, he's in your house... and he's watching you."
Thursday June 23,
2011
Tags crimes, internet & world wide web, black hat, websites ranking, search engine, unethical, near certainty, loserish, talking
Transcript
Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.
Saturday July 09,
2011
Tags lying, optimism, projections, realistic, optimistic, near death, hallucination, luci dream
Transcript
Boss: Are your projections realistic or optimistic? Dilbert: They're halfway between a lucid dream and a near-death hallucination. Boss: I'll call them "most likely."
Saturday January 14,
2012
Tags babies, complaining, human resources, evil director, discriminates, short, bald, near sighted, born this way, business
Transcript
Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.
Wednesday February 15,
2012
Tags golf, video games, pebble beach, xbox, full spectrum, lamp, fresh air, house, windows, played golf, coffee, Sports, Entertainment
Transcript
Co-worker: I played golf at Pebble Beach over the weekend. Dilbert: I played that course on Xbox. Co-worker: That's totally different. Dilbert: I used a full spectrum lamp to simulate sunlight. Co-worker: I got fresh air! Dilbert: You should get a house that has windows. They're terrific.
Tuesday November 28,
1989
Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, informal, white house, gorby, gumby, community
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "I'm enjoying the new informal approach at the White House." Dogbert continues, "I just hope it doesn't embarrass us in the international community." A White House aide stands in front of the President's desk next to Gumby. The President says, "Doggone it, I told you to set up a meeting with GORBY!" The aide thinks, "What's a Gorby?"
Wednesday January 24,
1990
Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, arm chair, doctor, life, death, paint, house
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . And the doctor gave me just a year to live." Dilbert continues, "I'm sorry, little guy . . . I don't know how you'll manage without me." Dogbert asks, "Would it be too much trouble to paint the house before you go?"
Friday November 02,
1990
Tags Dilbert, punish, man, robbed, house, justice, suffer, stories
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Dogbert, we must become vigilantes and punish the man who robbed our house!!" Dilbert continues, "It's not justice we seek, it's REVENGE!!!" Dilbert says, "We must make him suffer." Dogbert replies, "Tell him one of your stories about work."
Saturday November 03,
1990
Tags Dilbert, vigilante, work, robbbed, house, job, imposter, boss, sassoon, the boss
Transcript
The caption says, "Dilbert the Vigilante." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "When I get home from work, we'll track down the man who robbed our house and make him pay!!" At work, a man with a mohawk haircut, an eyepatch and clothes like Dilbert's sits at Dilbert's desk. Dilbert thinks, "No! It's the robber at my desk. He's stealing my job too!" Dilbert says to the Boss, "He's an impostor. Look at his hair!" The Boss replies, "We thought you'd been in a street fight with Vidal Sassoon."