Product Ehancement Comic Strips
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385 Results for Product Ehancement
View 1 - 10 results for product ehancement comic strips. Discover the best "Product Ehancement" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday July 14,
1995
Tags business cards, full title, director, product enhancemnets, acronym dope, product ehancement
Transcript
The Boss says to his secretary who sits at her desk, "Carol, the next time you order my business cards, spell out my full title: 'Director of Product Enhancements.'" The Boss continues, "Don't use the acronym 'DOPE.'" The secretary replies, "I didn't know you were the Director of Product Enhancements."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday February 28,
2015
Dogbert The Product Designer
Tags design, evil, frustration, product designer, torture, hate people, styrofoam debris, invisible buttons
Transcript
Dogbert: I decided to become a product designer because I hate people. I will fill every package with styrofoam debris and affix hard-to-remove stickers all over the cases. I'll make the buttons invisible by making them black on a black surface. Ha ha ha! Dilbert: I've always wondered how this stuff happens.
Saturday March 21,
2015
Dogbert The Product Designer
Tags annoy people, frustration, packaging, product design, sadism, software, torture, product code, engineering
Transcript
Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: The main goal of product design is to annoy people for no reason. We'll start by making so much extra packaging that you need to rent a truck just to haul it away. Voice: We sell software. Man: I found the product code for downloading the software!
Monday March 23,
2015
Dogbert The Product Designer
Tags design, form, function, product design, product designer, selfishness, portfolio
Transcript
Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: You might think my job is to make products that are easy to use. But that wouldn't help me, so instead I design stuff that looks good in my portfolio but is impossible to use. Dilbert: This looks great, but no one will be able to see black buttons on a black case. Dogbert: Not my problem.
Tuesday March 24,
2015
Dogbert Makes A Product That Begs For Updates
Tags product design, product designer, cruelty, update, computer, reboot, operating system, torture, technology
Transcript
Dogbert The Product Designer. Dogbert: I created an operating system that uses up 80% of your time begging for updates. That still leaves a healthy 20% of your time to... reboot your computer over and over. Boss: Can it fax?
Sunday May 08,
2011
Tags business ethics, suspicion, features for product, overstaffed, spare time, job description, healthy raise, highest performance rating
Transcript
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.
Monday January 17,
2011
Tags anger, engineers, honesty, beginning of decline, salted note, good idea, why don't we format, social product
Transcript
The Boss says, "I have a great idea! Why don't we make our product social?" Dilbert says, "Because when you start to understand a concept, it marks the beginning of its decline." Dilbert says, "On a related note, it's never a good idea to ask an engineer a question in the 'why don't we' format."
Saturday September 17,
2011
Tags commerce, competition (psychology), hate new product, customers, fake revenue projections, engineer, stronger company, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.
Wednesday March 14,
2012
Tags new product development, stock buy back, stock market, dream, using capitol, money
Transcript
CEO: I'm canceling all of our new product development and using the capital for a stock buy-back. Dilbert: This is a dream come true because I always wanted to be like you. CEO: In what way are you... Dilbert: Yay! I'm worthless!
Sunday July 08,
2012
Tags brainstorm, discussion, less effective, meetings, new product ideas, stem cell technology
Transcript
Boss: Let's brainstorm new product ideas. Remember, the most important rule of brainstorming is no criticizing. Dilbert: I'll go first. Research shows that brainstorming is less effective than people working by themselves and later comparing ideas. My idea is to use stem cell technology to design bosses who aren't ignoramuses. Remember, you're not supposed to criticize ideas. But if you decide to do it anyway, it sort of proves my point. I understand whey brainstorming has a bad reputation, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying it.