The Boss: I told you a week ago that I needed your first draft by today. This is exactly why I say bad things about you behind your back! I need employees I can rely on! Your tardiness and sloth cannot be rewarded.
Dilbert: I gave you the first draft the same day you asked. In fact, I think you're holding it in your hand right now.
The Boss: I'll be back when I figure out how this is still your fault.
the boss: wally, i'm putting you in charge of all the zombie projects that refuse to die.
the boss: i'm counting on your sloth and incompetence to finish them off, so management feels comfortable finally canceling them.
the boss: as of today, i'm paying you to fail.
wally: actually, this is just the first time you're aware of it.
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "As your consultant, I'll tell you how to improve your business processes." Dogbert continues, "I'll show you how a well-designed process can compensate for your sloth, apathy and all-around incompetence." Dogbert continues, "But most important: let's have fun."
Wally: There are many, many reasons why my project is late and over budget. Boss: Do any of those reasons not involve your incompetence and sloth? Wally: I think my best play here is to be offended by the question.
