Stealing Data Comic Strips
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258 Results for Stealing Data
View 1 - 10 results for stealing data comic strips. Discover the best "Stealing Data" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 09,
2013
Tags apathy, civil liberties, surveillance, arrested dilbert, stealing data, spy software, givernement
Transcript
Wally: The government arrested Dilbert for stealing back the data their spy software stole from us. Alice: Whose side are we on? Wally: Well, I'm not crazy about the government. Alice: But Dilbert can be a pain in the Spanx, too. Wally: Have you ever tried apathy? It's awesome.
Tuesday January 04,
2000
Tags dogcart consults, data minig, another message, stealing lunches, refigerator, break room, pudding
Transcript
Dogbert consults: The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, Dogbert is typing on a laptop. Dogbert says to the boss: "My data-mining software has found another message from God." Dogbert says to the boss: "It says you've been stealing lunches from the refrigerator in the break room." The boss looks surprised and scared. Dogbert says to the boss: "Then it says, "Ha ha, that wasn't pudding!"" The boss covers his mouth with both hands.
Thursday January 18,
2018
Data Encapsulation
Tags inheritance polymorphism, managing, bullying, data encapsulation
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.
Tuesday April 03,
2018
Bad Data
Tags data, information, accuracy
Transcript
Boss: What does the data tell us to do? Dilbert: We only have bad data on this. Boss: Does the bad data suggest we should do what we wanted to do anyway? Dilbert: Well, yes. Boss: That's called "good data."
Monday May 07,
2018
Massive Data Breach
Tags data, facebook, privacy, apology, statement, big business, lying, damage control
Transcript
Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.
Wednesday February 20,
2019
Adjust The Data
Tags business ethics, engineering, managers & supervisors, office, research, tests, data
Transcript
Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.
Saturday January 25,
2020
Data Can Only Mean One Thing
Tags business, office workers, sarcasm, data, analyze
Transcript
ted: this data can mean only one thing. dilbert: actually, it can mean any one of about seventeen things. ted: then why can i think of only one? dilbert: please don't make me answer that.
Thursday March 12,
2020
Selling Private Data
Tags business, job, management, cloud, data, people, private, information, laugh, market, sell, email, friend
Transcript
dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.
Friday March 13,
2020
Personal Health Data
Tags business, laptop, private, data, cloud, asthma, personal, health, edit, disease
Transcript
dogbert at laptop: according to your private data in the cloud, you have a mild case of asthma. dilbert: you can see my personal health data? dogbert: see it? hahaha! i can do more than that! dilbert: what is more than that? dogbert: i can edit it. you have six new diseases now.
Tuesday May 05,
2020
Sending Data To Elbonia
Tags business, business ethics, proprietary, data, elbonia, internet, monitor, activity, conversation
Transcript
boss with face mask: our security team says you have been sending our proprietary data to elbonia. elbonian with face mask: you can't prove that. boss: i monitor all of your internet activities. elbonian: i monitor all of your internet activity, too. boss: then let's forget we had this conversation.