Strategies Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

13 Results for Strategies

View 1 - 10 results for strategies comic strips. Discover the best "Strategies" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #banking, #deposit, #bank, #waste it, #hedging strategies, #honesty is refreshing, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Bank Teller: Thanks for the deposit, sucker! We plan to waste it on complicated hedging strategies that we don't even understand. Dilbert: Your honesty is refreshing. Bank Teller: Thanks, but it makes cross-selling harder.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consulting firm, #fixing business strategies, #own industry, #doing bad, #never mention

View Transcript

Transcript

Consultant: My consulting firm specializes in fixing business strategies. Dilbert: Have you ever figured out why your own industry is in the toilet? Consultant: I'll give you a thousand dollars never to mention that again.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competitive strategies seminar, #house keeping, #energency, #stay seated, #no mens room

View Transcript

Transcript

"Welcome to the competitive strategies seminar." "First, some housekeeping. In the event of an emergency, stay seated so I'll have a clear path to the exit." "And... there is no men's room in the building as far as you know."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paying for consulting, #no recommendations, #feel secure, #shaping strategies, #hate you, #feel good

View Transcript

Transcript

"I keep paying you for consulting, but you never make any recommendations." "I'm what you call a "feel good."" "My job is to make you feel secure in the knowledge that someone brilliant is shaping your strategies." "This is weird; I hate you, but at the same time I feel good." "You're welcome."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #director of change, #employees, #management, #managers & supervisors, #strategies, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're hiring a director of change management to help employees embrace strategic changes. Dilbert: Or we could come up with strategies that make sense. Then employees would embrace change. Boss: That sounds harder.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #new org chart, #promotion for intern, #startegies, #pretend its work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert shouts at Asok, "I don't care what it 'looks' like on the org chart! You're an intern, not my boss!" The Boss pats Asok on the back and says, "I just saw the new org chart. Congratulations on your promotion, Asok!" Asok and the Boss walk away from Dilbert's desk. Asok says, "Let's go make some strategies and pretend it's work!" The Boss whispers, "Not so loud. The L-U-S-E-R might hear." Dilbert bangs his head on the desk.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good idea, #nurture passion, #rebellious employees, #sarcastic employees, #startegies, #wearing culottes

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "From now on, we'll nurture the passion of our rebellious employees and form strategies around them." Wally says, "We don't have any rebellious employees. The last one got fired for wearing culottes on casual day." The Boss says, "It was such a good idea in my head." Wally says, "We still have some sarcastic employees. Can you work with that?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #seven silo teams, #merge them, #coherent plan, #mutually exclusive, #deciding startegy, #losers, #silo teams

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss is following Dilbert to a desk. The boss says, "Here are the strategies from our seven silo teams." They sit down and the boss says, "Your job is to merge them into a coherent company plan." Dilbert says, "These are all mutually exclusive." Dilbert continues... "I'd have to totally change them to make them coherent." Dilbert goes on... "In effect, I would be deciding the strategy for the entire company." The boss says, "That's okay." Dilbert replies, "It is?" The boss walks off thinking, "No one ever reads it anyway." Dilbert, at his computer thinks, "I feel sorry for those losers on the silo teams."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #working 80 hours, #per wekk, #ground breaking, #starategies, #my underlings

View Transcript

Transcript

I'm working 80 hours per week and you hire someone to do your work??? "Leave him alone so he can think up groundbreaking strategies." "Such as?" "I changed your job title to 'My Underling's Underling.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #throwing, #mug, #pain, #violence, #anger, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Does anyone have any questions about my strategies?" Ted says, "Yes, I?" Zing! Bonk! Dogbert says, "This isn't the dotcom era."