Technical Problems Comic Strips
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312 Results for Technical Problems
View 1 - 10 results for technical problems comic strips. Discover the best "Technical Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday May 03,
2010
Tags #tech support, #sit down, #talk, #stool, #computer, #headset, #technical problems, #trick, #hurt, #pessimism, #angry, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert says, "It's not right to use your tech support job to trick people into hurting themselves." Dogbert says, "I help people take their minds off of hopeless technical problems." Dilbert says, "How do you know a problem is hopeless?" Dogbert says, "Great. So now pessimism is a crime?"
Tuesday April 22,
2014
Tags #managers & supervisors, #travel budget freeze, #technical problems, #fiancail targets, #satisfying customers, #sounds bad, #said outloud, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: I need an exception to the travel budget freeze so I can fix an important customer's technical problem. Boss: No, because arbitrary financial targets are more important than satisfying customers. Wait... why does that sound bad when I say it out lout? Dilbert: If it makes you feel better, I wasn't listening.
Sunday February 20,
2005
Tags #pre meeting, #problems, #fix them, #budgets, #deadlines, #technical stuff, #any questions, #feel nauseated, #great job, #compliments
Transcript
Let's have a pre-meeting before your meeting with our vice president. "Don't mention any problems because he might try to fix them." "Don't say anything about budgets or deadlines because he might reduce them." "Leave out the technical stuff because it will only confuse him." "That leaves me nothing to talk about." "Perfect!" "Hello... And in summary. Are there any questions?" "Wow! That's the first presentation that hasn't made me feel nauseated or dizzy! Great job!" "Why does success make me hate humanity?" "They deserve it."
Wednesday November 26,
2014
I Need Solutions Not Unexpected Problems
Tags #authority, #convincing, #managers, #managers & supervisors, #launch deadline, #solutions, #unexpected problems, #business
Transcript
Boss: Are you going to meet the launch deadline? Dilbert: No. There were unexpected problems. Boss: I need solutions, not unexpected problems! Did that mean anything? Dilbert: Almost. Good try.
Monday February 23,
2015
Technical Analysis
Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #investing, #stock market, #stocks, #squirrel sitting, #clown shoulder, #technical analysis, #money
Transcript
Lessons in Investing. Boss: You should buy a stock whenever the chart looks like a squirrel sitting on a clown's shoulder. That's called "technical analysis." Asok: I'm not going to do that. Boss: Good. Because it doesn't work if everyone does it.
Monday January 22,
2018
Unforseen Problems
Tags #building apps, #completion date, #problems, #unforseen
Transcript
Dilbert: It will take four weeks to build the app, unless there are unforeseen problems. how often do we have unforeseen problems? Dilbert: One hundred percent of the time. Then whats the point of estimating a completion date? Dilbert: I was hoping to make you stop talking but t dint work.
Thursday October 11,
2018
Anticipate Problems
Tags #Wally, #anticipate, #finishing, #friday, #punctual, #anticipating, #things, #problems
Transcript
Man: Do you anticipate any problems finishing by Friday? Wally: I do not. Man: Is that because you're punctual or because you aren't good at anticipating things? Wally: I don't foresee any unforeseen problems. Man: Okay. Wait...
Monday October 07,
2019
Solves Too Few Problems
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #proposal, #problems, #quitter
Transcript
boss: your proposed solution is dumb because it doesn't solve all of our problems. dilbert: there's no such thing as a solution that solves all our problems. maybe we should solve the ones we can solve? boss: you're coming off as a quitter
Friday August 28,
2020
Where The Problems Are
Tags #business, #application, #app, #technology, #improvement, #dumb, #implement, #problems, #insult, #face mask
Transcript
co-worker: do you have any suggestions for improving the app? dilbert: yes, but you are far too dumb to implement any of them, so i won't bother. co-worker: at least tell me where the problems are. dilbert pointing at co-worker: the big ones are all in this big bag of skin.
Tuesday January 11,
2011
Tags #engineers, #honesty, #viruses, #honest opinions, #causing problems, #medical records, #engineer, #classified as disease, #vaccination, #engineering
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I can't stop voicing my honest opinions. It's causing problems at work." Doctor says, "According to your medical records, you're an engineer. We classify that as a disease now." Man says, "Gaaa!!! You haven't had your pon farr vaccination." Dilbert says, "Is it warm in here?"