Two Groups Comic Strips
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604 Results for Two Groups
View 1 - 10 results for two groups comic strips. Discover the best "Two Groups" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday October 01,
1996
Tags audit, documented procedures, divided, two groups, unethical, unprodcutive, train department, lie to auditor, document, inane prcedures
Transcript
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We'll be having an ISO 9000 audit soon. They'll check to see if we follow our own documented procedures for everything we do." The Boss continues, "I've divided our preparation tasks into two groups: unethical and unproductive." Wally tells Dilbert, "I'll train our department to lie to the auditor. You can document our inane procedures." Dilbert replies, "No fair. You did unethical last time too!"
Thursday October 13,
1994
Tags Dogbert, speech, have and have nots, dumb ones, cavemans, unevolved
Transcript
Dogbert the futurist Dogebert: Society will become divided into technology "haves" and "have nots" Eventually the two groups will take different evolutionary paths. Then, as now, the "have nots" will be policy makers. Caveman: Oog mission statement
Monday August 14,
2017
Focus Groups Are Unreliable
Tags focus groups, strategy, logic
Transcript
Dilbert: Our focus groups don't like our new product idea. Boss: No problem. Focus groups aren't reliable. Dilbert: Why do we pay for unreliable information? Boss: We can't afford the other kind.
Thursday February 10,
2011
Tags executives, meetings, Dogbert, consulting, facebook, china, irrelevant, breakout groups, fantasize, being relevant
Transcript
Dogbert Consults Dogbert: "Where does your company fit on this comprehensive list?" Facebook, China, Irrelevant Dogbert says, "Now let's form breakout groups to fantasize about being relevant."
Tuesday July 05,
2011
Tags annoyance, apathy, choosing, comments, two alternatives, recommended option, more expensive
Transcript
Dilbert: Did you read my comments on the two alternatives? Boss: No. Dilbert: I recommended option two because neither plan will work but option one is way more expensive. Boss: I already approved option one. Dilbert: If you need any more help, just let me know.
Sunday September 04,
2011
Tags administrative agencies, control, data, delay, frustration, manipulate, meetings, time, two weeks
Transcript
Woman: Wally, I need your data for my meeting in three days. Wally: Okay. It shouldn't take more than three or four days to pull it together. Woman: Not three or four days. I need it in three days. Wally: Okay. Three days. Not counting the weekend and the day I give it to you. Woman: That would be six days! Wally: Six or seven days. Tops. Woman: I need it in three days, not a week. Wally: That's no problem. A week or two at the most. Woman: Okay! You win! I'll reschedule my meeting for two weeks out! And you'll have the data in two weeks? Wally: Yes. Two weeks or so.
Thursday November 03,
2011
Tags depression (mental state), despair, ugly partment, two ugly roomates, ugly bus, ugly building, ugly cubicle, eat lunch
Transcript
Asok: I live in an ugly apartment with two ugly roommates. Each workday I take an ugly bus to an ugly building and spend the entire day in my ugly cubicle. Dilbert: At least you get to eat lunch with us. Asok: I've said too much.
Sunday November 27,
2011
Tags frustration, gadgets, smartphone interface rage, perfect storm, bad interface design, chubby fingers, poor signal strenth, smashing phone, frustrated, can't survive, lesser of two eveils
Transcript
Dilbert: Whoa! Watch out. I've read about this. It's called smartphone interface rage. It's caused by the perfect storm of bad interface design, chubby fingers, and poor signal strength. He'll get so frustrated that he'll consider smashing his phone. Then he'll realize he can't survive without his phone and he'll be twice as frustrated. We have to do something. Wally: Run as fast as you can into the wall! It will take your mind off of your phone! Sometimes the best you can hope for is that the lesser of two evils is the funny one.
Tuesday May 22,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, too big to fail, two pigs, flail, clever, demoralizing
Transcript
Boss: Are we too big to fail? CEO: Nope. We're more like two pigs that flail. Boss: That's clever, and yet demoralizing. CEO: You're welcome.
Wednesday June 06,
2012
Tags editors, writing, pointless, confusing, technical writer, highly trained, trick question, paragraph two
Transcript
Dilbert: Your second paragraph is pointless and confusing. Let's just delete it. Tina: I'm a highly trained technical writer. What makes you think you can do my job better? Dilbert: That might be a trick questions, but I'm pretty sure the answer is paragraph two.