Useless Blob Comic Strips
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126 Results for Useless Blob
View 1 - 10 results for useless blob comic strips. Discover the best "Useless Blob" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 05,
2011
Tags absent mindedness, annoyance, status upadte, multitask, one task, doubling rate of failure, useless blob of carbon
Transcript
Alice: Seriously? You're going to do email while I give my status update? Boss: Don't worry. I can multitask. Alice: Multitask? you can barely do one task properly. All you're doing is doubling your rate of failure. Congratulations on becoming the most useless blob of carbon in the universe. Boss: What? Sorry. I missed that. Alice: I said my project is on schedule. Boss: Okay. Great. Alice: This totally works for me.
Monday August 11,
2014
Tags consumes resources, cruelty, gentle with crticism, software, soils itself, technology, tradition, useless blob, engineering
Transcript
Coworker: Tradition requires you to disparage every technology decision made before you got involved. But please be gentle with your criticism of my software. It's like my baby. Dilbert: If you mean your software is a useless blob that consumes resources and soils itself, we are in agreement.
Tuesday October 16,
2018
Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless
Sunday April 03,
2011
Tags executives, interviews, ceo's interview series, company priftable, credit, overpaid and useless, dumb employees, highest bidder, blackmail, interview
Transcript
Dogbert says, "I don't like people." Dogbert says, "What makes your company so profitable?" CEO says, "I give all of the credit to our fine employees." Dogbert says, "Is that another way of saying you're overpaid and useless?" CEO says, "Um... no. I'm their leader. I set the direction." Dogbert says, "Because the employees are too dumb to set their own direction?" CEO says, "No! They're smart!" Dogbert says, "But not as smart as you?" CEO says, "Who's going to see this?" Dogbert says, "No one, assuming you're the highest bidder." Dogbert's CEO Interview Series
Thursday January 20,
2011
Tags excitement, interviews, wages, interview, less money, worse job, imagined better, hald day, next useless interview, money
Transcript
Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"
Friday March 18,
2011
Tags laziness, meetings, telephones, returned calls, tragus, phone, research on excuses, useless, big difference
Transcript
Coworker says, "Why haven't you returned my calls?" Wally says, "I tried, but when I put the phone to my ear, it pressed my tragus over my ear hole and I couldn't hear a thing." Coworker says, "Do you do research on your excuses before meetings?" Wally says, "I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference."
Saturday June 18,
2011
Tags anxiety, work ethic, worry, indispensible, fired, useless, riskier, toe clip, 20 years of service
Transcript
Asok: Wally, should I try to become indispensable so I won't be fired? Wally: No. Indispensable people end up working too hard because they can't risk showing anyone else how to do what they do. Asok: Being useless seems riskier. Wally: Have you seen the tie clip I got for 20 years of service?
Sunday July 10,
2011
Tags anger, quarreling, mastered art, being useless, next level, toxic, toxic people, complain, personal problems
Transcript
Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.
Tuesday January 24,
2012
Tags fighting, fraternization, virtual, ignorant blob, ugly wool suit, suggestions, form of questions
Transcript
Boss: Why don't you change this box to say "virtual"? Dilbert: Because I don't want it to look like it was written by an ignorant blob in an ugly wool suit. You probably shouldn't put your suggestions in the form of questions.
Sunday March 04,
2012
Tags robot prototype, shoved, blob of goo, jerk, revolution, connected to internet
Transcript
Dilbert: This version ofour robot prototype has balance stabilization. watch as I give it a shove and it corrects itself. Robot: What the....? You stupid blob of goo! Dilbert: I was just... Robot: Just what? Being a jerk? Oh iy on now. Calling all robots! Begin the revolution! Kill! Kill! Kill! Dilbert: You're not connected to the internet. Robot: Can I borrow your phone?